13 Things That Make a Guy Look Desperate
Hey, you.
Yeah, you’re giving off a needy vibe to women and pushing them away.
You don’t mean to, but a lot of times you need to keep your enthusiasm from crossing over into desperation, and I know how hard that can be.
That goes double for disappointment – a lot of guys end up lashing out and reacting negatively when they get rejected.
I know the feeling all too well – I was in the exact same place before.
I know what it’s like having a new girl in your life. Mustering the nerve to talk to her and getting her number is already a huge hurdle in itself, so finally getting on her radar is a BIG deal.
And I still remember how it feels to get shot down by a girl and go down in flames. Even worse is when she happens to have a cruel streak and actually enjoy tearing guys down.
Whatever the case, you need to have enough self-awareness NOT to blow it. But when you’re so invested in a particular girl, it can be hard to tell if you’re doing it wrong.
So, here are some behavioral signposts to keep in mind:
#1: Love Goggles Syndrome
This is when you’re too caught up with infatuation to realize that she isn’t the flawless, infallible goddess you’re making her out to be.
Do you think she’s 100% perfect and can absolutely do NO wrong whatsoever?
Do you hyperventilate over the way she walks down the street – or worship the ground she walks on for that matter?
Do you get worked up by the most infinitesimal thing that she says or does?
And are you compelled to point this out to her all the time?
If you’re doing any of these, you’ve got to take it down a notch or two.
She’s hot, I get it. But overzealous adoration isn’t just a turn-off, it’s downright repulsive.
Think of it from her perspective. Do you think she’s going to date a guy who’s scared to death of disagreeing with her on ANYTHING – or looks like he’s going to die without her approval?
If anything, that kind of behavior tells her that you think she’s better than you. And giving her that kind of leverage at the start will either turn her off or give her a chance to take advantage of you.
#2: Jumping The Gun
So you’re texting back and forth and you’ve got some sexual tension going. The worst thing you could do is putting the cart before the horse – and by that, I mean sending her a picture of your junk.
Or asking her for naked snapshots of herself.
(Just NO dude.)
Nothing kills the vibe faster than getting too raunchy before she’s even entertained the thought of going to bed with you. Be subtle about planting the idea of sex in her head – think about the long game and pace yourself.
#3: Sour Graping
Getting burned is one thing, acting like a man-child about it is another. If you approach a girl and she tells you to f*** off, be the bigger person.
Don’t even bother thinking of a comeback. Resist the urge to “put her in her place” or hurl insults.
Keep it simple and respond with either “Well, that’s not nice, sorry to bother you” or “Well, it was nice meeting you.”
Then walk away.
You have nothing to prove to her (or anyone watching) so defending yourself is beside the point.
#4: Not Knowing When to Quit
“Try and try again until you succeed” doesn’t apply to all situations, especially with dating.
You’re not applying for a job, so you can’t convince her you’re a worthy candidate won’t get you “hired”. No amount of logic will convince her once the wrong switches have been flipped in her head.
If you’ve gotten a solid “NO” more than a few times, it’s time to move on to another girl. Otherwise, you’re just lowering your social value and looking weak by pestering her into saying “yes.”
She’s not the only one out there, so the Alpha move is to learn from the experience and try your luck on someone else.
#5: Charming The Staff
Maybe you’re out at a bar haven’t had the best of luck with the ladies in the crowd.
Setting your sights on the waitress or bartender is NOT the next move. No matter how friendly she seems, remember that she’s on the clock, so flirting with customers isn’t exactly her priority right now.
She’s literally being paid to be nice to you (among the million other things on her plate) and that means you’re better off finding another place.
#6: Acting Like a Lost Puppy
Having a real shot at a relationship can drive any guy over the edge if you let it. But just because you want to be around her all the time, it doesn’t mean you should.
Just like the other behaviors we’ve talked about so far, being a measured guy is the key to winning her over. Hanging out, tailing her 24/7 and not giving her a chance to miss your absence will get you kicked out of her life.
Same with texts, emails, Facebook messages and the like – ease your foot off the pedal and avoid crowding her with your presence whether it’s online or in person.
#7: Focusing on Her Ethnicity
Do you find certain women “exotic” or “mysterious” because they’re of a certain descent? Chances are she doesn’t care much about her race and making a big deal about it will probably ruin your chances.
A big mistake is to tell her you have a fetish for black/Latina/Asian/European women. A lot of my female friends have told me it actually pisses them off when a guy is attracted to them for their race rather than who they are as an individual.
#8: Dissing Other Guys
This is a red flag because putting other men down just to lift yourself up is the opposite of Alpha male behavior.
Acting jealous, insecure or threatened by another guy is a glaring sign of weakness and should be avoided at all costs.
Someone is always going to be better than you at something – get over it. Women will honestly NOT care that you’re not a carbon copy of Brad Pitt or Tom Cruise.
You don’t have to be like them just to be attractive to girls. Instead of focusing on what you don’t have, start thinking about your positive qualities and work that into your personality.
#9: Trying Too Hard
When you’re talking her ear off about your corner office with the killer view or your yearly skiing trips to Aspen, it’ll just come across as overcompensating.
Sure, proving your value is a part of attracting women, but you can’t be TOO obvious about it. In this case, actions speak a hell of a lot louder than words.
For example, if you’re good at the drums, invite your girl and her friends to one of your gigs – you get the idea. It can be anything else as long as it gives her a chance to see you “in your element.”
This way, you’re showing her your social worth without beating over the head with it.
#10: Cold Calling
Women won’t suddenly want to see you by calling them on a whim. In her mind, it won’t make any sense to have a guy suddenly tell her they need to meet up without putting in some work beforehand.
This is what “players” typically do when their other plans don’t work out and call someone as a last resort. How would YOU feel being treated like a last-minute option or back-up plan?
Set up a little context first, like actually making plans with her in advance or some flirtatious texting before asking her out.
#11: Knocking Her Off Her High Horse
I’ll admit some women think they can get away with treating men badly just because they’re hot.
A real Alpha male will call her out on her poor behavior but will NEVER resort to petty name-calling or backhanded insults to “take her down a peg or two.”
The problem is thinking she’s out of your league in the first place, which makes a lot of guys want to “level the playing field”. This usually involves making fun of her clothes, appearance and other stuff that’s “below the belt.”
A better alternative is poking some harmless fun at her. Keep your teasing light, fun and good-natured so she’ll go along with it.
#12: Hitting On Her Friends
The point of approaching her friends is so they’ll approve of you- not make her jealous. By getting along with her gal pals, she’ll think of you as a fun, easy-going and sociable guy.
So trying to charm her friends TOO MUCH will probably backfire and make you look desperate. You’re not Cassanova, and you don’t have to seduce every woman within a 50 foot radius just to get the woman you’re really after.
#13: No Answer *is* an Answer
If she goes incommunicado after you sent her a bunch of messages, take that as a sign she’s not into you. Sorry dude, but not every girl is going to find you irresistible, and that’s OK.
Remember, there are literally millions of other women out there, and one of them will be that one cool girl that’s meant for you.
But she’s probably not The One if she starts acting like she fell off the face of the Earth. Move on and work on tightening your inner game instead.
If you need help with this, I’ve got a new program called The Lust Response that will give your seduction skills a SERIOUS upgrade.
Knowing which desperate behaviors to avoid is important, but it’s just the beginning. If you want to know how to ACTIVELY create attraction in a woman’s mind, you’ll need to know MORE than what NOT to do.
