Q & A with Carlos: Dating Advice for Men
QUESTION:
I’ve been listening to the Alpha Conversation & Persuasion CD’s and
trying to do what I hear, and I’ve gotten a good hang of it- I
mean, I can see and experience the changes already with the girls
and with everyone in general…
Well, I’ve developed a pipeline of girls to work on and its going
well, I’m talking to them, getting them interested and leaving
while the interest is high …
… She was asking me if I needed anything from Starbucks- though I
think that is only part of her ploy to reel me in because we ran
into each other at Starbucks a week ago and had our first bonding
chat.
Anyway- I got the feeling that she wanted to talk to me tonight,
but then something happened when she started talking to someone in
front of me, another girl, about some guy that was calling her for
a date- and it all of a sudden became girl talk- with no adherence
to me being there.
So, I finally broke in and said I couldn’t stop eavesdropping about
it all, but couldn’t hear all that well and if they’d repeat it for
me- in jest. They briefly acknowledged me but then got back to [their
conversation.] So, I excuse myself and let them have their ‘girl
talk’.
I then got changed and left work- but as I was leaving I was
thinking why I didn’t turn back around and talk to her like I think
I wanted to.
I was wrong somewhere- if so, where?
______________________
CARLOS XUMA’S ADVICE:
Yeah, this is a common situation with guys that rapidly spirals out
of control. One minute you’re in an exciting and interesting
conversation with a woman, the next minute she’s talking to someone
else and you’re frozen out.
The key to keeping some women’s interest is to keep the
conversation amped up to the level where she won’t be distracted…
Some people are just plain rude. They get all caught up in
themselves and their conversation, and they fail to bring others
back into the conversation.
There are a couple of techniques for dealing with this. One is to
simply call them on it, like this…
You say: “That’s rude.”
They say “What?”
“Cutting someone out of your conversation like that. Just when we were having fun!”
OR:
“Hey, before you guys get going, let me tell you about this crazy thing that happened to me …”
Deliver it with a little humorous or fun edge so they don’t think you’re trying to be a dick. You have to be socially aware here so that you don’t constantly push your way into a conversation where they are deliberately trying to keep you out.
I had this come up for me at an event on Wednesday night. I walked over and just sat down to talk with a couple women that were talking. One of them was being a little bitchy and distant, playing ego games, and she was doing her best to push me out. The other gal was sweet and nice, and wasn’t pushing me out. Even though they weren’t including me, I sat there in their conversation, sipping my water, TOTALLY CONFIDENT in who I was and that I was justified being there.
Now this is something they weren’t used to, because after a while, they started to pull me back in. You see, I wasn’t nervous or giving off a vibe of the clueless guy. I was comfortable in my own space and my own silence. (If you want to learn this skill, read on and I’ll tell you more about how.)
If the women that you’re trying to talk to get indignant, hey, you just successfully screened out a gal that would have mistreated you and given you hell down the road. Congratulations!
