Q & A with Carlos: Dating Tips for Guys
QUESTION:
Everything is good. I have learned so much from your work. Thank
you… I have really changed. I am light years from where I was a
few months ago. Lots of confidence. Lots of numbers. As many dates
as I can handle. It has been terrific…
I am 40 and I have been dating alot of girls that are younger than
me. I almost think I am flying in a “No fly zone”. These girls are
all 33 to 38. I think they all want to get married. I am recently
divorced so I am not getting remarried any time soon. I don’t tell
them that.
I do the teasing which I have mastered with your help. All the
Alpha Man stuff. I think my problem is my looks. I have a babyface
so I look alot younger than I am. I have dirty blond hair. I have 2
kids.I look like marrying material. I am tall 6’6″. I look like a
Dad, Husband. I just read “The Rules”, and I know I am in battle
with them. They are following these things to a T.
I need your help. Although, I look like a nice sweet man, I need to
come across as BAD ASS. My looks do not support this. I need more
meanness. Trust me I am pushing these girls around and not being a
wimpy ‘nice guy”.
What do I do? Am I in the wrong age group? Maybe I should just be
focused on Divorcees.
If I am not clear, please feel free to ask me some questions.
Master, What do I do?
Chris
______________________
CARLOS XUMA’S ADVICE:
The first thing I’d do is to lose the attitude of being “in a
battle with them.” You’re not. You’re just falling victim to
assuming that a particular author’s take on men and women is the
common or prevalent one. In fact, by viewing yourself as being “in
battle” you lose a lot of the frame you need to at-tract women,
because you feel like an adversary, not someone they can feel safe
with.
Step #1: Get rid of the adversarial approach.
Now, as for looks…
Step #2: Get a little ‘Bad’ in your image.
There is a way to look baby-face-bad-ass. I was talking about this with some guys in Vegas this weekend, as a matter of fact.
The key is to leverage your image in such a way that you maximize your assets, but provide something to contradict this baby-face. What you’ll end up with is something immensely mysterious and alluring to women.
I recommend something that offsets your younger looks. Try growing in 2 days worth of beard. I regularly skip a day or two of shaving (mostly because I use an electric, and that tears up your face) and it gives you a more “rugged” look.
Go out and get some clothes that you would never have worn before. Something tough.
Then wear it and LIVE it.
Too many guys suffer with their current image, solely because they never dared to see themselves in any other way. You need to break out of this self-imposed comfort bubble and become a fully realized man.
You aren’t your clothes, or your car, or your job.
Step #3: Start thinking and talking more like a bad-ass.
Then start to examine your attitude and see where you’re still acting like this image you have of yourself. It sounds to me like you’re really still identifying with your external appearance and it’s undermining your efforts to be this tough guy.
Drop the “push around” routine and just come from a core of bad-ass. Try imagining yourself having gone through a comic book nightmare and you ended up looking like Marvin from “Sin City” (Mickey Roarke.)
How would you act then?
How would you behave if you couldn’t talk?
Your persona is whatever you want to be in the moment.
YOU choose.
