Q & A with Carlos: How do you get a woman to talk about personal things?

QUESTION:

Hey Carlos…

How do I get a woman to talk about personal things? There’s this girl I’ve been talking to about a year. We’ve only hung out a couple of times though. Today she called me and we were talking for like 40 minutes. I then asked “Can I ask you something personal?” She said no. I told her what’s the point in being friends if we can’t share personal information. She said “So you don’t wanna be my friend anymore?” I paused for a minute then told her to call me back.

And every time I ask her to come over she says why don’t I come over there. She also said that she doesn’t even share personal information with her mother. I think I messed up with this chick a long time ago. After all she stole something from me and denied it, plus she has a boyfriend who she really doesn’t want to be with. Any advice?
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CARLOS XUMA’S ADVICE:

First of all, when you think that you messed it up, you probably did.

Don’t even bother asking me how to “get her back again.” I’ve already provided THE definitive answer on this topic. (It’s in my archives, go and search ’em.) You’re chasing your own failure’s tail, and you’re making your state worse and worse the longer you believe you can redeem yourself.

By the way, you failed her test.

Which test?

When she asked you that question about not wanting to be her friend, you should have said, “My friends are open, vulnerable, and trusting. I don’t feel that from you.” Then you hang up and wait for her to call you back. If she doesn’t, nothing lost.

Alpha Men don’t NEED women. They exist on their own continuum of honor and integrity. And STANDARDS.

Speaking of which, you should be smacking yourself in the head right now. She stole something from you? This is the character of woman you want in your life? A thief?

Come on, man, have some freakin’ standards! You associate with low-quality trash like this and guess what effect it will have on your life?

The single most important decision in your life will be the woman you choose to ally yourself with.

– Choose well and you will live long and prosper.

– Choose poorly and your life will spiral the drain, and you will wish for a quick death.

I’m not f***ing kidding, my friend.

You’re in a reactive state with this woman. This is where you’re trying to GET her to GIVE to you. You can’t do this in any area of relationships. When you do things to GET… (gimme gimme gimme, get get get) your motivations are flawed and you sabotage the machine.

If you do things based on principle and rightness of action, you will succeed far more, and live a higher quality of life overall.

So instead of trying to get a woman to tell you personal things…

FIRST, ask yourself why you need to know. I believe it’s probably because you want what she won’t give you, not because you really care. You’re challenged by her distance and aloofness.

SECOND, ask yourself why a woman would NOT want to tell you personal facts on her own.

In those two thought exercises you will find the seeds of your answers. You see, she didn’t tell you because she did not TRUST you, and THAT is the your real problem.

And it sounds like she’s got trust issues in general if she won’t talk to you after a year, or talk to her own mother. (Two words: Damaged Goods.)

Now if you’re in the mood to quit this reactive game of “can I get her to be my puppet and do my bidding,” I suggest you find out how to get REAL game with women.