Q & A with Carlos : Scarcity thinking..
QUESTION: Scarcity thinking – even if she’s a cool chick …
I am writing to you now because I am in a bit of a post-relationship situation that I’m not sure how to handle.
I dated a girl for just over a month. She ended our relationship a little less than a week ago due to the fact that over our winter break from college, she was stressed out with working 2 jobs (she just moved into a new apartment) and wanted to focus on school for a few weeks. The words she used were “I think we should take a break,” and then she went into the aforementioned work/school ordeal. I completely understand, and then she told me that “it’s not permanent.”
A little less than a week later, I still want to be with this girl. I’m not in love with her or anything, I’m just bummed out that we couldn’t continue this journey — I think this girl is awesome, and we have a lot in common, but at the same time I’m kind of confused as to how she feels about me, but don’t know how, or if, I should approach her about it for fear of ruining our friendship.
And sure I’ve learned from you that I shouldn’t let a girl have that kind of impact on me, but this is a girl that I love listening to her speak, and taking everything in. I want to make her feel the way she makes me feel, and that is being constantly on my tip-toes, and very excited.
Do you have any advice for me and my situation? Anything would be appreciated, and I thank you for taking the time to read this e-mail.
-N
______________________
CARLOS’ ADVICE:
Sigh.
I hate to be the one to break this to you, big guy, but she’s not attracted to you anymore.
The important thing here, though, is not how SHE feels about you. You can never truly “control” that. You can influence it (by using my strategies), but no one can ever CONTROL anyone.
The important thing is how YOU feel in this situation. It’s about how well you manage your own emotions. It’s how you make yourself feel when you run into this situation that makes the difference between confidence, or sinking self-esteem.
I need to point out that you ended your email with a variation on the King Loser Line of all time:
“Yeah, I know BUT….”
The translation to what you’re saying is: You know I’m right, but you’d rather follow your undisciplined emotions.
Look, I know how this situation feels. I’m not bashing you here because I’ve been there plenty of times myself. It seems so cool when you meet a chick that you feel like you have potential with, right? You want to keep that good feeling going.
The problem is that you are holding onto good feelings as if they’re rare, and you’ll only experience it with this girl.
That is scarcity thinking.
Trust me, you are in college. This is where you should be experiencing as many women as you can. There’s no rush! You’ve got a good 60 more years of dating and attraction to look forward to. (If you learn this stuff right, of course.)
The reality is that you have already lost her.
She’s just going to walk away from someone she’s into? NO WAY.
No one who has something they value will let it go voluntarily. Least of all a woman in a relationship.
Think about that for a few minutes. Go ahead. Go watch some American Idol and ponder this. I’ll be waiting here.
You back?
Okay, now think about it: Would you give up a woman that you were really into?
NO! I know this because you’re not giving her up right now!
No one (except a disciplined Alpha Man) would be able to walk away from someone or something they find fun and enjoyable and attractive.
She’s breaking up with you and this is her “nice” way of giving you a chance to be a man and walk away with dignity. You should take the opportunity.
Here’s what you do: Tell her you’re not really interested in seeing just one person right now. You appreciated what you had together, but you want to see what else there is to experience. If it’s meant to be… you’ll be back together.
The next step is to stop calling her.
I can bet you any amount of money that she’ll be calling you in a couple weeks, especially if she sees you with other women. And chances are you won’t want to be with her if you find a few QUALITY candidates as you move on.
You’re now faced with a choice…
One road leads to dignity, self-preservation, and establishing your own Alpha Man self-confidence.
The other road leads to a wussified existence as you circle the drain trying to win back a woman that is already not attracted to you.
Which will you choose?
I can teach you the path to choosing better. You can learn the advanced strategies to attracting women right HERE.
