Q&A: Carlos Answers With A Revelation
Question from a “confused” reader:
Carlos, I just got your Dating Black Book and I wish I would have gotten it a week earlier.
I very confused by this fun and pretty girl. We met at a party, I laid low for a few days, then asked her to come with me to a fashion show (she’s a print model so I knew she would come).
The date went well and we had dinner after the show, she asked all the questions that showed she was interested in me (my family, background, goals, etc). We made out, got way too drunk, then I took her back to her place and I kissed her good night, and told her I wanted to come in, but I never do that on the first date, she looked confused but relieved at the same time. Clearly that doesn’t happen to her often.
We had some flirty texts the following week and I thought she was into me. I waited a few days and coincidentally I got tickets to one of her favorite bands that she told me about on our date.
I left her a funny voicemail telling her should wouldn’t beleive what I received that day. No call. In fact I didn’t hear from her at all. So I waited 3 days, and texted her a funny text, she came right back within minutes.
She replied that she was having drinks with a friend. So I wanted to stop this game and told her to enjoy her night, and maybe we could get together later in the week.
So Carlos, I’m confused. Date 1 went great, I followed up with fun texts letting her know I enjoyed the night. I faded back for a few days to give her space, then when I try to see if she wants to go out again, she acts aloof, and then says that she has plans and tries to counter with some lame brunch during the day.
But what really got me is that she re-initiated contact with her text to me when she was having drinks with a friend during the night I proposed to take her out.
Clearly I was on her mind, and I don’t thinks she’s a mean girl, but was she trying to make me jealous or is she crying for attention from me?
______________________
CARLOS XUMA ANSWERS WITH A REVELATION:
Yep, she really got you, all right. You’ve just had a drive-by from a female PLAYER.
Women do this to guys all the time and guys think that it means that she’s really into them, but just can’t seem to LET herself have you. You have to interpret her actions for what they are – not what you WANT them to be.
What I’m about to say is going to come as a revelation to some of you, and others will hear this and say, “Huh?”
If you’re one of the latter, keep re-reading this until you get it…
Are you ready for the revelation?
Here it is:
A woman doesn’t REALLY think about you unless she is interested in you enough to want to be with you again – and follow through.
And in even simpler terms:
If she’s really into you, she’ll find a way to make it happen.
Let me ask you this:
If you were into a woman, and she called you up and said, “Hey, let’s go out to Sam’s Cafe and get a beer tonight,” would you refuse her?
Hell no! You’d go.
Because you were interested, and there was an opportunity to act on it and get what you wanted.
Now, for some reason we guys seem to think that women really play this hard-to-get thing seriously, and for some reason a woman in the same situation wouldn’t say yes. She would say no just to be coy. Or because she just couldn’t help herself.
Uh, no.
If she’s into you, she WILL find a way to get with you.
Women do not sit around and plot out elaborate ways to deny themselves the pleasure of your company.
Really.
Your job is to drive her interest level in you up so high that she CANNOT refuse a date with you under any situation.
That’s it, my man. That’s your duty. Anything else is playing it safe.
And let’s be brutally honest here: She’s a model. She’s used to the constant adoration of guys, and that is what fuels her self-esteem.
The term for this kind of person is “attention whore.” (And that name can be used on guys, too, by the way.)
You’re just another fanboy, a fun moment in her life. She texted you to ping you and see if you were pining away for her, and it made her feel like queen of her castle.
What you’re guilty of here is IMAGINING her attraction and interest based on the fact that she showed you a SMALL indication of interest. Her texting you doesn’t really show that she’s hot for you, as much as I’d like to tell you that.
Sorry, but that’s just a momentary fluctuation in her mood.
She was probably just trying to make herself feel better for having backed out on your plans. (Women do this A LOT as a way to maintain the image of the “good girl.”)
Is she interested in you?
It doesn’t matter until she follows through on it.
Let me put it this way: You have no room for a woman in your life that is interested in you BUT goes out of her way to deny herself (and YOU) the reality of actually getting together.
You get me?
Just imagine what kind of games are in your future with a woman who would keep this B.S. up.
This kind of game playing is infantile and immature, and you don’t have the time for it. Your life is busy – hell, CROWDED – with women to get with.
Isn’t it?
If it isn’t, you should get busy learning the Alpha Lifestyle and my Advanced Secrets of the Alpha Man program.
Remember my Rule of Attraction: A woman isn’t into you until she takes ACTION on her desire.
What you do next is simply this:
Keep her in your phone book. Text her regularly, teasing her. Don’t ask her out or try hard to get her on another “date.”
After a week of this, offer her a few “spur of the moment” chances to hang out with you. No more than an hour or two in advance. And do it on a Monday or Tuesday when she probably won’t have any other options.
Be commanding. Be assertive. Take the lead and tell her exactly what kind of a fun time she’s going to have.
But do not allow yourself to be swallowed by the “what happened?” obsession that strikes guys who are hit-and-run by these kinds of flighty, flakey women.
The Alpha Man has so many options in his life that he doesn’t have the time to think about all these women players.
And neither should you…
– Carlos Xuma
