Question & Answer
QUESTION: BREAK UP AND STAY AWAY!
Dear Carlos, I just got the Secrets of the Alpha Man E-Book, and am waiting for the CDs to arrive in the mail. I´ve only read about 100 pages, and you have no idea how much it has changed me. I like the language you use, it’s straight to the point without any fancy words that I can’t even pronounce.
The part [about] the only way you should give up is what has me asking you these questions, that if you screwed up with a girl and want her back, it’s better if you just walk away! (I also like the concept of A.M.P. that you talk about in the program…!!)
… In conclusion I feel sorry for myself for not reading the book years ago, but you can’t cry over spilled milk, so I am taking immediate actions now and this is really helping.
I started going out with this girl and before reading the book I was already acting like an ALPHA Male, I was doing everything just as you describe it, I was so secure about myself that she even mentioned it, I even acted like a true player and she loved it! I was doing everything perfect as I always start out with girls.
But then, I let my guard down and let my feelings come in action, and after this it was my downfall. I dated the girl for two months, the first she was still in my country and the second she left for college in another country. Two weeks after she left I took time off work and went to go visit her. We never fought or anything while I was around, but there were too many moments of complete silence, and this irritated me so much that I started bugging her if something was wrong. ***
She said that I shouldn’t doubt that everything was good. I knew something was wrong. I came back to my country and things were not the same anymore, before she used to call me 24 / 7, send me text messages and all that crap, but then I sensed she lost interest and started getting more and more irritated. Eventually I told her what the hell is wrong and that I thought we could not keep on with the relationship because she had changed so much. (I was expecting a “lets keep on trying.”)
BZZZT!!
Wrong answer, she took my offer and we broke up. We haven’t talked much, the only times we’ve spoken is when I can’t control my emotions and call her. It just bugs me so much that she can be so cold and days can pass by and not call!
I later found out that this girl does not like the kind of guy that gives her too much attention or is a serious type, the way I was with her when I visited.
But in reality I am a fun guy to be with, I’ve never had trouble with girls liking me, but I screwed up with this girl. And the guy she met two months ago, the secure guy, the player who took her to his room the first night they saw each other, did not come out when I visited her.
My nice guy came out too much. How can I control my nice guy, the guy that everybody loves and speaks highly of – but that made me lose this girl.
The question:
WHAT THE HELL DO I DO?? I want her back, but as I read in your book, calling her and keeping her in my life is not the option, but I want you to analyze my situation and give some advice.
Should I want her back after she said that I treated her to nice and gave her too much attention? Is my ego playing a role here saying that I hate losing? How do I control myself from sending her greeting cards etc.?
I won’t see her ’til December but we chat every now and then.
This question is very important, what do I tell her when we chat?
Should I answer if she messages me?
– E
______________________
CARLOS XUMA ANSWERS:
You’ll notice that I marked a section above with ***
Here it is from the letter again: “but there were too many moments of complete silence, and this irritated me so much that I started bugging her if something was wrong.” ***
This was the turning point, dude. This is where so many guys mess it up with their insecurities, and women pick right up on it.
And that’s where you went from attractive potential boyfriend to needy, insecure wuss.
When she learns that you’re needy enough and insecure enough to find it hard to handle her disapproval – or you suspect something might be ‘wrong,’ she loses faith in your strength and masculinity.
In short, you were coming from a point of view that hoped you could get what you wanted by kissing her ass as much as possible.
All this demonstrates is that you’ve got no sense of internal value that you must sacrifice your own lifestyle to get a woman.
As for your question about “How do you control yourself…”
Dude! That’s like asking me how to NOT pick your nose.
JUST DON’T DO IT!
Self-control is the hallmark of the Alpha Man. In order to be one, you must BEHAVE like one.
You are making choices every day, and those choices are based upon the pain or pleasure you think you’ll obtain from each outcome.
If you’re saying that you “can’t stop yourself” or anything like that, you’re wussing out.
You are ALWAYS in control of your actions.
You’re just making choices based on fear and insecurity as opposed to confidence and calm.
Now, hold on to yourself here, because you might not like the message I’m about to give you, but it’s critical that you listen to me.
GIVE HER UP!
Right now.
You lost this woman a long time ago. If you continue down this path, you’ll end up at the bar every night crying about this wonderful woman that you let slip out of your fingers.
You’ll become so sad that your friends won’t even want to be around you.
1) She isn’t that special. EVERYONE is special and unique. And that’s one of the ways that we’re all the same. Think about that in your spare time.
2) You’ll lose your confidence and self-respect if you continue this line of thinking and action. You’re trying too hard.
3) The only reason you want this one back so badly is because you messed it up, and now you want to redeem yourself. You’re locked into thinking that if you can make things right – if you can FIX it, you can feel better about yourself and your mistake.
You can only do this by learning how to MOVE ON with your life.
4) You can get a new girlfriend who you can do everything RIGHT with for about 10% of the energy necessary to “win her back.” And even IF you do get her back, she’d be watching you every day, testing you constantly to see that you can maintain your new confidence.
5) The only way this woman will EVER want you back is if she sees that you can and WILL move on when necessary.
When you’re able to demonstrate that you’re not needy, you’re independent and live in a life of ABUNDANCE …
THAT is when she’ll start to look at you differently.
If you can keep up an IRON-CLAD attitude of “I don’t need you,” you’ll stand a chance of keeping her in the future.
For now, what do you do?
You asked me, so I’m telling you – Let her go. You already read my advice once and you’re refusing to follow it.
What will you do this time?
I trust you to make the right decision now that you know what happened.
Remember, if you want to keep lasting attraction with a woman, where she wants you and doesn’t run off with her Italian pool cleaner, or the bad boy at the bar, you need to learn how to be the ALPHA MAN.
– Carlos Xuma
http://www.alphaconfidence.com
