Question & Answer with Carlos

QUESTION: Liquid Courage ….

 Hey Carlos,

Here’s something I bet you can answer.

Saturday night I met a girl, someone with whom a friend had been trying to set me up for some time. So my friend talked me up, then first I met the girl’s roommate and I guess she was impressed with me, then I met the girl and we chatted it up for a long time, nice pleasant chit chat. Overall I think there was some pretty strong attraction on both sides.

Towards the end of my stay at that bar, I was starting to get pretty drunk, and we met up outside the bar. I deemed it a good moment to go in for the kiss, and she sort of balked and I ended up kissing her neck. But I went in again a few minutes later and sealed the deal–as far as I can remember there was no resistance. We agreed to meet up sometime, and I got her number.

What I’m struggling with is if I went overboard by kissing her within a short time of meeting her. She didn’t return my call last night, but there could be other reasons for that of course. (And yes I do realize that it’s good to keep the alcohol intake at a reasonable level, the circumstances were what they were.) Some of the details were hazy, but I’m pretty sure I didn’t say anything lewd.

But what I really hate is being in this position where I look back, trying to reconstruct the night, and wondering if I did something wrong. I am worried that I might have come off as too aggressive.

Is a girl typically going to be turned off by a dude who assertively goes in for the kiss early on…even if it’s a confident second effort after a rebuffed first attempt?

You’re the man Carlos– 

PB

______________________ 

CARLOS XUMA’S ADVICE:

Whoops…

Pop goes the cork on that one, dude. I think all men out there should take note that the glasses of “liquid courage” you’re taking in are really a way for you to not develop the social skills and confidence you’ll need to have when you’re sober.

Liquor ain’t quicker, dudes.

Look, I love to drink on occasion, and maybe a lot of drinks. (Not nearly as much as I used to, though…) However, the reality is that if you want to avoid those “What did I say?” or “What did I do?” moments, you have to limit your intake. Alcohol is just a way to lower your inhibitions, but it rapidly becomes a liability to effective social skills.

I can tell you this: If you went in for the kiss and weren’t sure you were going to get it, then it was your fault, and you shouldn’t have tried. In the words of Sun Tzu: “All battles are won BEFORE they are fought.”

It’s incredibly easy to tell if a woman is ready to be kissed. You’ll see her looking at your lips, you’ll get a lot of kino, and you’ll just feel a general “kiss vibe.” If you can reach over and touch her hair without her pulling back, that’s also a great indicator. If she shies from your touch or you moving closer for any reason, you better get back to the basics and get her feeling attracted to you again.

My personal test is simply to tell her I have a secret for her, and when she asks what it is, I motion for her to come close so I can whisper it to her. I watch her reaction very closely. Her body language will give it away whether she’s ready for more.

It sounds like you got the kiss you were looking for, but now you’re getting hung up on the fact that you weren’t doing “X tactic” or “Y tactic” correctly. Given your state at the time, you probably won’t ever really know what was right or wrong with your approach. Chalk it up as a learning experience. 

Next time, when you’ve closed the deal, make sure you setup something for the two of you to do together so that she has a reason to answer her phone later. I’ll guess that you probably didn’t establish enough connection and rapport to make her feel comfortable enough to jump at the second date. 

If you push too far too fast for physical affection – as many guys do – you’ll just sabotage her attraction and desire by showing that you don’t have patience and self-control. This then undermines her feelings of rapport with you.

 It’s less about what you do and more about what she has to gain later on from your interaction that determines whether or not your next date or meeting will happen.

 Think about that for a bit…

 You have to remember that we are all driven by selfish needs. She won’t go out on a date with you later for YOUR needs. She’ll do it for her own.

 All success in life – especially with women – comes from a strong core of Inner Game. Even though you need to understand the techniques to use to understand the social dynamics going on here, you absolutely must be coming from a place of confidence and Alpha Man Power.

 That’s what I teach you…