Question & Answer with Carlos
“Tell me about your last relationship…”
Those six words can strike fear into the heart of just about any man.
The truth is that women LOVE to ask this question, and men HATE to answer it.
Why? What’s the big deal?
Well, I believe that both sides know what’s going on here, but only the woman usually knows how to handle it, while the guy simply reacts in the worst way possible…
HER: “Tell me about your last relationship…”
HIM: “Oh, uh, my last relationship. Yeah. Uh, it was … okay. She was nice and all, but she and I just didn’t get along so great at the end. We met here, as a matter of fact. We went out for drinks, and then we dated for about a year. She started getting weird in the last few weeks. She would call me late at night when I was out, and ask me where I was. She could be a real bitch, too. *&%$# unbelievable. Man, I’m so glad I’m out of THAT situation. Want another drink?”
Okay, let’s break this down…
Why did she ask him this?
Primarily to find out all those delicious things he gave away in that totally jaw-dropping reply.
Let’s see what kind of “hidden intel” she got from his response:
1) Conflicting stories. He tries to put a nice spin on it, but ends up falling victim to his own emotions when he starts reliving it in his head as he explains it to her. He goes from saying she was nice, to how they didn’t get along so well at the end, to weird, to a bitch.
This kind of changing story signals her that there are some issues here.
2) As a result of the previous bit of information, she decides that he is definitely not “over” her. Notice how he gave a timeline there? “Last few weeks…” In her mind, she’s already started to eliminate him.
Remember that attractive women are actively LOOKING for reasons to count you out of their lives. (And by this same reason, only DESPERATE women are looking for reasons to pull you into their lives.) You must avoid giving her any reasons to eliminate you before you’ve been able to make an emotional impact.
3) His emotional reaction at the end of the story (“*&%$# unbelievable. Man, I’m so glad I’m out of THAT situation”) says that he’s got some ANGER to manage.
The last thing a woman wants is another woman’s refuse, and declaring your anger like this makes you more unattractive than Billy Bob Thornton in a speedo.
4) When a woman calls a man late at night asking where he is, the odds are (unless she’s a stalker or psycho) that there were some real trust issues in that relationship. Another red flag goes up for him.
5) He OVER answered. He went into WAY more detail than was required by the situation. Over-explanation seems patently false and hinky, and usually smells like a lie.
So how do you answer her question correctly…?
First of all, make sure you’ve laid to rest all your emotional baggage regarding any ex-girlfriends of yours. All it takes is a few beers and the wrong question, and you’re crying the blues – and she’s out the door. Let it go, move on. If you find yourself caught up in obsessively angry thoughts about your ex, seek a little help, and definitely don’t start dating yet.
Next, take a few minutes to prepare in your mind how you will answer this if asked. (The percentage of guys who actually do this is appallingly low.)
A good, generic response to her might be something like this:
“You know, it was really great while it lasted. We had a lot of fun times, but in the end, we discovered we just weren’t right for each other. I still care about her, she’s a great person, but now I’m looking for someone who has the right stuff for me.”
You don’t want to duck the question, or give a half-answer like, “Oh it was fine.” A woman will sense that you’re hiding something there, too.
Just be up-front, clear, and positive about the message and you’ll handle this particular test question easily.
Then move on to a new topic. Do NOT let her dwell here and play therapist with you. Tell her, and then get on with more positive conversation about the possibilities that could be happening right now.
– Carlos Xuma
http://www.datingdynamics.com
