Question & Answer with Carlos
How to Approach Women and Open the “Impossible” Women
Hey Carlos,
Last night, I’m at my local nightclub and I see this wickedly hot brunette standing by the bar with her equally hot girlfriend. I’ve seen this chick the last couple of times I’ve been to the club, and I want to talk to her but I know I’m going to get shot down.
I’ve watched at least six guys try to walk up to her and start a conversation and with a polite smile, she blows off every one of them.
I’ve been racking my brain trying to come up with something to say that will get me in the door, something funny or clever that make her give me a chance. Do you guys have any clever openers that work with girls who are super hot but a bit stuck up?
– Paul
Zagreb, Croatia
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CARLOS XUMA’S ANSWER
Oh, yeah bro. I’ve been in your shoes.
It’s painful to think about how many nights I used to waste at the bars and clubs, watching beautiful women and WISHING I had the guts to walk up and start a conversation.
Years back, I was in a bar in Kansas City and couldn’t think of what to say to this cute blonde college girl in the bar. But I was ABSOLUTELY determined to do SOMETHING that night, so I walked over and put my business card in her hand.
A second later, she tossed it over her shoulder on the floor.
Now THAT was cold. No man should have to go through that.
Ever.
Now that I’ve got the game of dating and how to attract women all figured out, it seems crazy just how much importance I used to attach to those initial walk-up situations. I was like most guys, scared to just walk up to a girl and start a conversation, because I didn’t know how to approach women effectively or think of something impressive to say to her.
I was at a bar last night doing some field research, and we observed a guy, let’s call him “Beta Bob.” (A name to protect the innocent and soon-to-be rehabilitated.)
Bob was swilling down the beers and (very obviously) trying to figure out how to approach a very adorable Catherine Zeta-Jones look-a-like sitting a few barstools down.
Finally he stood up, sucked in his gut, and walked up to her. He opened with something basic – “I just sensed you needed someone cool to talk to…” It wasn’t particularly clever, but she smiled, laughed, and seemed interested in chatting.
What followed was a few minutes of generic small talk. Beta Bob asked her if she’d been to this bar before, what her job was, where else she liked to hang out, yada yada.
This entire encounter had the appearance of a very awkward job interview. She was starting to look bored and fidgety, checking her cell phone, looking around for her friends. What started out very promising was rapidly going down the toilet.
After four or five questions, Beta Bob ran out of juice. The conversation had hit a brick wall. He took a nervous sip of beer, looked down at his shoes, and then, she politely excused herself to go use the restroom.
Needless to say, she didn’t come back.
I see situations like these all the time. And in many cases, it goes a lot worse, the girl doesn’t even give the guy the CHANCE to ask questions.
Her instincts immediately tell her, “this guy is nervous/ clueless/ annoying/ boring/ etc.”, and so she BLOWS HIM OFF or SHOOTS HIM DOWN before he can even introduce himself. Beta Bob’s woman was actually nicer than she had to be.
Basically, when this happens to a woman, her instincts are telling her: “This guy is NOT an Alpha Man.” Why should she waste her time letting a Beta Guy hit on her? Beta Guys have NO CLUE what women want.
Two things we want you to keep in mind:
1. Your approach is about more than using the right “opener,” or using “pickup lines.” In fact, the actual words don’t mean SQUAT to your overall success.
Guys have this faulty programming that makes them think that they can only approach and talk to a woman with a “pickup line.” In fact, it’s the LAST thing she wants. You saw what happened to Beta Bob – he had a decent opener and STILL blew it on the first down.
She wants reality and an attractive ENERGY from you. Period.
2. Having a conversation with a girl is about much more than making small talk and exchanging information about each other.
Just as before, the content is actually irrelevant. The vibe and feel you leave her with IS.
Here’s your next exercise, and it’s on the subject of “vibing.”
The next time you’re in a conversation with a woman and things start going a little dry, or you’re not able to keep it juiced with topics, I want you to notice the following:
– Your energy level: How excited do you feel to be talking with this woman? Are you feeling “zippy” and juiced, or groggy and lethargic? You need to keep your excitement UP. Up up up!
– Your emotional state: What’s your mood? Are you feeling positive? Or positively negative? If you’re down or in a mood, everyone will know it, and you won’t get very far. Your emotions must be conducive to hers or she will never “sync” up with you for the vibe you’re looking for.
– Her emotional state: What’s her mood? Is she tuned in and enthused, or is this conversation like poking yourself in the armpits with a ball-point pen? Some women aren’t worth talking to, no matter how squeezable those blouse-bunnies look.
If she’s a drag, she’s going to take you with her, and you STILL won’t get laid. But if you can turn that around and shake her out of her stupor, you’ll get ten times further than the last few dorks who just told her to “Cheer up!”
– Your level of self-awareness: Are you paying too much attention to that part of you that’s watching the conversation from a distance? A lot of guys get a bit too self-aware in their conversations, to the point where they are more focused on their own performance than the good time that he should be having right now just talking to a woman.
If you notice these four zones and find that they are out of whack, you need to first of all LET GO.
Yes, you heard me right. Don’t start pushing and paying even more attention to the problem area. That’s what will doom your conversation.
More focus on the wrong areas will only make them grow even larger.
Let them GO.
The more you relax and tune into the “vibe” between you and her, the faster you will get back on track. This is what I teach in my advanced conversation programs.
Remember, ultimately, if you’re going to be good with women over the long term, you must learn the core skills to attraction. These are the ones that you do NOT build in a bar or nightclub with pumping tribal dance rhythms.
These skills are cultivated in real mastery, in face-to-face interactions with women that you are able to create REAL connection with.
– Carlos Xuma
http://www.datingdynamics.com
