Question & Answer with Carlos
I am a twenty year old, still a virgin, by choice, not religion, kind waiting till the right girl comes along. My gut instinct has told me no so far, because I’m 20.
It tends to be drunk girls throwing themselves at me. I think I’m confident, I approach women on a regular basis, and enjoy the different ways you can approach them. My favorite is the “footnote,” approach you know, start with an arbitrary question then say the important things as footnotes, for example:
ME: sorry miss, could you give me directions to ******
(she gives directions)
ME: Oh yeah, it’s rude not to introduce yourself, I’m John, nice to meet you
This seems to work, and get phone numbers, maybe the women aren’t prepared for this type of greeting and usually here when a girl knows she is being hit on from the get go, she becomes very defensive.
Anyways, I also help my friends out as a wingman and advisor…
Yesterday one of my female friends said to me, ‘Why do you always approach them, let them come to you. The reason why you don’t get lucky is because you always are looking, you need to be found.’ I always said to my friends that the most important rule for this game is enjoying yourself, because the moment you aren’t, it will show and you won’t be as confident.
Still it got me thinking, the times when I have gotten really lucky was when I wasn’t focused on ‘a plan’ I was chatting with my mates and it just happened.
I guess what I need to know is, how do you be ‘the alpha male’ without being too much, overwhelming, like a firework in a small room. You seem to make more sense than ‘the game’ does, so your advice would mean a lot to me.
-John R.
Boston, MA
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CARLOS XUMA ANSWERS:
You’ve pointed out some interesting things in this email that I want to make sure to share with the other guys out there.
First of all, yes, your method of “footnotes” is just a way to sneak in under the radar so you don’t raise her alert mechanisms. Women are tuned in to the guy that seems to WANT them a bit too much.
Women everywhere are on high alert to “pickup artists” and all the tactics from The Game, so you have to work a little more to appear NORMAL. (How crazy is that?)
Now, you ask about how to be an “Alpha” without being “too much.”
Here’s the thing: Most guys will never even come close to this extreme if they were not too aggro already.
You see, the only guys who come across as “too much” in the dominant, confident Alpha category are really the ones who were way too aggressive and obnoxious in the first place.
And, I must say, not the usual guy who reads this column….
Most guys are worried about being “too much,” when they should really be worried about being “too little.”
Believe me, when you’ve reached the far end of the spectrum, you’ll know.
And most guys are way too hesitant, anyway. If you run around afraid of your own shadow, afraid to turn one or two women off with your potency, you’re really falling victim to the trap of letting the outside world shape your experience.
This is the gravest sin.
I’d rather piss a few people off (and believe me, I have…) than run around scared of what other people think of me.
There is no social blunder that you can’t recover from. Trust me. The worst you could have to do is apologize if you crossed a line. And people will still respect you more for having pushed it too far and then admitted your error than if you always look as if you’re trying to make everyone like you.
So set off a few fireworks in the room.
Go ahead – Get a little attention.
Be a little “too much.”
Be willing to go “too far.” It’s the only way you’ll ever know where the limit REALLY is. If you never swing the pendulum way over, you’ll never know where the middle really is.
Your friend is also right – in a way. You don’t need to always be on the hunt. A truly powerful Alpha Man has a charismatic aura that does attract people into his life. Just remember that women put out signals, and don’t approach men usually. You still need to act, but you can afford to relax and let them show more interest up front as well.
Be looking – but have the ATTITUDE of the guy who is worth finding.
And if you’d like to know how to socially calibrate yourself and better develop this charisma, I suggest you read up on the essential POWER SOCIAL SKILLS I teach. These will be invaluable to you in every area of your life.
– Carlos Xuma
