Question & Answer with Carlos
QUESTION:
I have a situation that I want to run by you. I have just started your CD’s on Secrets of the Alpha Man. First of all these have been very helpful and have opened up a lot of different avenues to me. Thank you!
Ok here is the situation I work with a very beautiful women who has just broken up with her husband. I have to admit that I was using the Beta Male method of trying to be funny and trying to prove my worth to her you know the whole infatuation crap. She only told me and her best friend that they were separating.
My question is this – Since she has just started the divorce process, what possibility do I have of winning her over? How do I over come what I have done as a beta in the past. How do I prove that I am an ALPHA MALE NOW!
Chad H.
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CARLOS XUMA ANSWERS… NOW!:
Okay, I’m going to give you some reality pointers here that are going to be much more helpful than just helping you get what you think you want.
I’m going to help you with what you NEED.
First of all, any woman fresh out of a divorce is in a whirlwind spiral of confusion and dis-illusion.
Meaning that when a woman gets out of a relationship in which she felt like she wasn’t getting what she wanted, she’s not going to be in a rush to lock herself into another losing investment. And right now, ALL relationships probably look that way for her.
So unless she got out of this marriage to be with the guy she was cheating on (and I’ll bet you she was…) you better watch your own back.
This woman cannot be anything for you but a fling. A little fun.
Which means you win her over by NOT trying to win her over. She doesn’t want another guy to burden her down.
Second of all, I’m going to give you the traditional warning about dipping your pen in the company ink. If you’re going after a woman at work, always make sure that:
A) You don’t work for her in any capacity…
B) She doesn’t work for you in any capacity…
C) Your corporate culture doesn’t condemn this activity…
D) You would still enjoy your job if this woman were to break it off with you and things went really bad.
Because I’ll tell you right here and now, no matter what you think at this point, you have NO WAY of knowing how she will behave if your fling doesn’t work out. If men could detect the “psycho” or “stalker” thing up front, we’d have written books about it.
Oh, and also remember that NOTHING should interfere with your enjoyment of your career and its potential to provide you with your needed income. ANYTHING that threatens that is to be scrutinized and observed with skepticism.
Ever seen a movie about a crazy relationship gone bad, like “Fatal Attraction” or “Basic Instinct,” and you tell yourself, “Man! I’ll never do that!”
Oh, you betcha you have.
Look, I’ve said this before, and I’ll say it again until the end of time – There are a million gajillion women out there. So why do we get fixated on the ones we work with and have the most potential to wreck our lives?
For the same simple reason that Jodie Foster figured out in “Silence of the Lambs”: We covet that which we see every day.
The allure of a beautiful woman can be thought of as a small infection in your mind. It’s up to you to put up the resistance of your mental immune system to keep yourself from wigging out over her. You could come down with a full-blown case of obsession.
Always remember: She’s JUST a woman!
We men put far too much value on beauty. And men over-value beauty by believing that the woman inside that attractive shell must be just as valuable because of her looks, which is a costly and fatal error.
Remember this, too, because it’s something I’ve learned over YEARS of experience with this kind of woman: There is no such thing as a no-fault divorce.
In other words, BOTH people have made some serious errors along the way to get to this point. It’s almost NEVER just “his fault.”
Okay, now that I’ve got THAT out of the way, I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt and assume that you are smart enough to avoid this situation with this woman and you’re still going to try. (Or you’re just a fool and your little head is thinking for your big head. Either way…)
The reality is that this woman will be in a highly vulnerable state after her marriage is ending, so you must tread carefully. She’s also likely to fall into a rebound relationship. I’ve had more than my fair share of those, so I’ll tell you right now they suck.
You see, since she’s just getting out of a relationship, her behavior will be very unpredictable as she starts to deal with her inner game issues. She’ll be flaky, aloof, sometimes clingy, sometimes cold and distant.
She’s got a lot of crap to sort out, whether she realizes it or not.
Don’t let her head games play with you!
Simply offer her the opportunity to meet you for drinks or something fun and active. You can tell her, “You know, I realize you’re probably going through a difficult time, and you probably need to get out and just have some fun… right?”
Don’t offer to be her ear to complain into, or her shoulder to cry on.
In other words, don’t be her emotional tampon. She may not intentionally use you this way, but some guys just let themselves be a disposable emotional dumpster.
To be the Alpha Man, you just need to be very consistent with your attention and interest, but don’t try to be Mr. Instant Boyfriend.
Get her out and having FUN. That’s 90% of her emotional release at this point.
Think: FUN – FUN – FUN!
The next step is to drop any pretense and don’t make her feel like she’s your exclusive interest. You’re just a good-time guy that she can cut loose with.
You need to protect yourself by seeing as many other women as possible, too. And preferably not ones you work with, either.
You need your own emotional buffer against her uncertain tides of emotions and conflict.
This is probably the most important step of all. Without a big dose of healthy self-interest and protection, you’re too likely to get tossed out to sea, my friend.
Remember that people work on “evidence theory.” We form an opinion and perception of a person based on tiny clues they give us from their behavior. We don’t care what people say, and we ignore the words.
We only care about what we see them DO.
If you’ve been a beta guy before, you better man-up and get your game face on.
And remember that your job is not to be an Alpha Man just to get a woman.
You work at being an Alpha Man because it’s the only acceptable path for any man to pursue for HIMSELF.
Women come second in your life – if that. Your own drives and purpose override all sexual conquests, because that is the stuff that will ultimately attract and keep a woman in the long run.
I’ve seen too many guys go down the foolish path of getting their Alpha Game on to get a woman, and then they abandon all their masculinity when they get into a relationship so they can relax and coast for the rest of their lives.
These guys end up being the kind of husband that the woman you want is divorcing.
Good luck, and stay Alpha!
