Question & Answer with Carlos
QUESTION:
Hello Carlos… What is the Alpha way of handling a situtation where another man tries to flirt/compliment my woman where I am standing next to her?
…That really boils my blood and I want to bomb the guy! I know it is [the] woman … who should point out that she is with me… Any advice?
Ramin T. – Middle East
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CARLOS XUMA ANSWERS:
Ramin, this question is one that has very distinct “inner game” and “outer game” parts to it.
Let’s start with my favorite: The INNER Game…
The first thing you have to do is to ask yourself, WHY does this “boil my blood”? Why do I have such a strong reaction to it?
Am I mad at the guy?
Or am I mad at HER?
Most guys have a perfectly natural fierce competitiveness that being a man requires us to have.
Hey, you don’t want your woman to go off with some other man. That would be really crappy, and it’s the worst kind of rejection.
But here’s the reality: You’re mad at him because you don’t feel very secure with your woman – and yourself.
If someone comes along and compliments your car, do you get all crazy-jealous and want to blow the guy up?
No! You feel proud that your tastes are recognized and you’ve got something that other guys want.
But with a woman, there’s this side of you that worries that the next seductive guy that comes along could be the one that your woman decides to “trade-up” for.
Hmmm.
Why would she do that? Is there something you’re missing?
Well here’s what *I* think in these situations:
1) I’m not intimidated by another man’s interest in my woman. In fact, I usually jokingly push my woman TOWARD him. This completely scrambles her radar and gets her more frustrated – and HOT – for me.
2) IF she were to be chasing after some other guy instead of me, I already know that he doesn’t have what I have. I’ve spent a few years cultivating my life into something that I find incredibly fun and cool to be a part of.
Any woman that walks away from me for another guy is a loser in my book. I’m better off with her playing for another team. She obviously can’t appreciate me, and she has no loyalty. Good riddance.
These are the beliefs to have on the inside.
So let’s talk about how this belief system translates into external behavior – The OUTER Game.
If a guy compliments my girlfriend (and I get this ALL the time, and you should be, too, if you’re dating QUALITY women…) I’ll just smile and thank him.
HIM to HER: “Hey, you sure have beautiful eyes!”
ME to HIM: “Why thank you! Yes she does.”
And I’ll do this in a very non-confrontational, fun kind of way.
Then I’ll make sure that he and I are properly introduced.
ME to HIM: “Hey, my name’s Carlos.” Extend my hand. “What’s yours?”
Then I’ll introduce him to my girl, and spend a few minutes making this guy my next best friend.
And all the while, I’m winking at my girl, making little gestures that I think he’s the one for her, thumbs-up, etc.
She’s loving this, of course. And at some point near the end, I’ll even suggest he get her phone number. I’ll bring it right out in the open.
“You two would actually be pretty cute together… Dude, you should get her number…”
I’m not afraid of losing her, and to throw this out there almost assures that I won’t.
You see, the simple fact is this: In the early part of dating a woman, she won’t point out that she’s with you to other guys, because that would be too obvious to you. And there’s nothing a woman loves more than guys competing over her.
It’s the best kind of test to see what you’re made of. If you’re insecure and jealous, guess what that tells her about you?
So the next time a guy tries to muscle in on your turf, you welcome him in. As the saying goes, “Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer.”
You won’t have ANYTHING to worry about if you just treat him as if you are completely convinced that losing her would not kill you. After all, you’ve got other women that would LOVE to be with you…
Don’t you?
And this girl is into you because of how you show your confidence and Alpha Power.
Isn’t she?
Well, if not, then maybe you need to learn the Secrets of the Alpha Man…
CARLOS XUMA
