Question & Answer with Carlos

QUESTION: 

I have a very important question to ask you, and it relates to voice tone. I know that the correct tone of voice to display is one that indicates that you’re confident. 

Now, when being cocky & funny, teasing a women, etc., should you maintain the same voice tone throughout the conversation, regardless of what you are saying?

When you communicate with a woman, should you change your voice tone at certain times when you say different things? 

What is the correct voice tone to project? 

Is voice tone really that important? I mean I am not the type of guy that speaks with a weak voice tone whatsoever. I speak with a normal voice tone that I think sounds pretty confident. The reason I say this is because I cant find much information on this topic. What do you think? 

Please help me solve this mystery, Carlos.

______________________

CARLOS ANSWERS:

Tone of voice is VERY important. It’s something that a lot of guys overlook. And, unfortunately, it’s one thing that women can use to read you in a heartbeat. You see, each guy I meet out there tells more about what he’s made of by HOW he says something more than WHAT he says. 

As Sigmund Freud once said, A man leaks the truth from every pore. 

To answer your question – YES, you must definitely vary your tone of voice as much as possible. 

One of the worst things guys do with their voice is ….

Nothing. 

They simply don’t vary their voice from a monotone, and as a result they sound … BORING. 

A woman is interpretive, not literal. She knows that people seldom mean what they SAY. She’s learned this from growing up in social interactions instead of football huddles. So almost every woman you are going to meet has about a 20 year head start on most guys in terms of reading between the lines and figuring out the real social dynamics of a situation. 

Women grew up having to be indirect with their requests and interactions with other girls (being too direct was frowned upon), so they learned very early how to understand when another girl wasn’t saying what she really thinking. 

And that means women have it all over guys in terms of her ability to read vocal tone and hear what a guy is saying UNDERNEATH his words. But you can figure her meaning out and develop this unused ability. 

Let’s use an example where, say, you asked a woman to go out on Thursday. 

She says: “I’m busy that night.” 

Now, if she emphasizes the word “busy,” she’s probably blowing you off and doesn’t want to get together. If she emphasizes the word “that,” she’s telling you that particular night is not available, but you might need to suggest another night. You have to listen for these small subtleties and adjust your strategy accordingly. 

The good news is that guys can develop their ability in projecting a positive, confident tone. 

Remember that when a woman first meets you, she doesn’t know what is joking and what isn’t. Only people who have known you for a while can understand when you’re being serious and when you’re being sarcastic … or attempting to be funny. (This is especially true in emails, so be careful!) 

For you, there’s one very simple rule to follow with your voice: Vary your tone enough to sound INTERESTING. 

The best exercise for this is to try your voice out on your pet. If you’ve got a cat or a dog, try telling them a story in a way that will hold their attention, and by also using hand gestures. If you can keep your pet from walking off in mid-sentence, you’re probably using good variation in your tone of voice – and good body language. 

Also, practice humming and singing from deep in your chest. I find that most guys that lack a confident tone are simply talking through their nose or high in their chest, so they sound very nasal and pinched. Let your voice out – and breathe deeply with your words so that you get maximum resonance. 

You really need to HEAR confident examples to understand it, which is why I cover proper voice tone in my audio programs. Let’s face it, there’s no way I can adequately demonstrate tone of voice in this column, but you can HEAR how to speak more powerfully by listening to good examples, like old Cary Grant and James Bond movies. Listen for how they use their tone to be funny – and even seductive at the same time. 

Take the time to cultivate an interesting voice and women won’t be able to resist your charisma.