Question & Answer with Carlos
QUESTION: Old Dogs, Bad Habits …
Hi Carlos, Love your stuff.
For an older dog like me, with more years behind me (36) of clueless bad habits than probably a lot of your clients, it’s been a longer trek to get onto the right road, yet things are happening now. However, a couple of things…
I got off the tube at Bond Street, one of London’s most expensive shopping streets, and this lovely girl with quite stunning hair just happens to walk before me, out of the station. Being on a downer recently, and simply needing the sport, I watched her enter a department store and decided to follow and watch her. She went to all the make-up booths, and while asking about cosmetics it was obvious she was just cheekily trying on all her favourite make-up, getting ready for a Friday evening on the tiles.
A-ha, I thought, there’s my cue-in. She then goes to check out some clothes. I approach. And very coolly simply say, “Hello, you caught my eye back at the tube station and I couldn’t resist following you in here.” I gestured that I wasn’t a weirdo, which she got – then I went for it. “Can I ask a question: Is it normal for girls to enter department stores and try on the make-up?”
She cracked up laughing. I then asked if I could take her for a drink? She showed me a hand with no ring (I only really thought about it afterwards), and said she had a boyfriend. “What a shame.” I hung around for a few moments more, and with a big smile walked away. She sincerely wished me a good weekend.
Now, I know where I went right. Just doing it, and being cool as a cucumber. And I know where I went wrong: 1) not teasing her a little longer before asking her out; 2) not calling her on the nothing being on her finger; and 3) not giving her my number.
On the last point, my thinking is… it may be too much for a girl to be put in the situation I put this one in (even though deep-down she has to be impressed). I should give her my number, pre-empting her with these words: “Now, as I know girls never call boys, I’m perfectly happy giving you my number. Let’s see.”
Again, you’re a top man. You’ve made a difference out there.
All the best, Dan – in the U.K.
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CARLOS XUMA’S ADVICE:
Great breakdown, Daniel. You bring out a very important point… it’s the fact that instead of being excited at the opportunity to walk up and let this sexually exciting woman meet you, most guys are secretly dreading this. Mostly because they just don’t have an understanding of why that situation is so terrifying for them.
(And it’s not what you’re thinking!)
The next time a woman tells you she has a boyfriend, you keep right on going with what you’re doing. She’s just making sure you know her situation before you lead her down the path she’s willing to follow. And sometimes she throws that out there to keep you at a certain distance – so you won’t run her over with Rico Suave pickup games on her and make a fool out of both of you.
It’s her way of saying, Whoah, there! Take it slow, cowboy…
She just wants to control the start of the interaction and feel SAFE in it.
After all, why would a woman show you a hand with no ring on it, and THEN tell you this story?
Because she wants to stay in control of the situation. The fact is that women try to put signals out to guys, but in the end they are reduced to being chosen – first, and then screening the guys she likes later.
As for giving her your number, you only do that when she’s so into you that you have to push her off you because her drool is staining the plush velvet of your new suit. A woman has to be WAY into you to call you, so don’t even bother if there’s a question about 1) the amount of attraction you’ve built, or 2) the amount of rapport and trust you’ve got.
You’re just mentally masturbating by handing her your number and hoping she will call. Not to mention, you’re setting yourself up for major disappointment. I don’t care what the other “gurus” say, there’s no technique to make women call you beyond establishing incredible attraction and rapport. That’s what YOU bring to the table, chum.
You’re right that it all boils down to the guys who WILL versus WON’T approach her. Action will win the day. Most guys won’t approach a woman, and therefore they just get the runts of the litter. The guys who pursue and actively engage their targets GET THE HIGH QUALITY WOMEN.
Survival of the fittest, my brothers.
It isn’t hard to learn how to get over your fear of meeting new people. Your approach anxiety is simply a mental conditioning that you need to break.
It’s easy to do once you understand your own limitations, and the secrets of what is really holding you back from taking action as opposed to RE-acting.
Good luck…
