Qustion & Answer with Carlos
QUESTION ABOUT PORN ADDICTION:
I loved your book the Secrets of the Alpha Man. It has helped me stop being a nice guy and get in the motion of getting laid.
I enjoy your material I just need help with my problem…
Masturbation and Porn Addiction. There I said it.
I wanna stop but it seems I can’t. Have any good advice?
I wanna be fully Alpha, ’cause when you are an Alpha you get respect.
Thank you
P. M.
______________________
CARLOS XUMA ANSWERS ABOUT PORN ADDICTION:
Well, I’ve heard this question before in many different forms. It usually boils down to understanding what’s going on in your head when you indulge in this kind of self-satisfaction.
Before I start, I want you to know that I’m not some kind of anti-porn nut. I see a use for porn, but unfortunately most guys don’t see just how damaging it is until it’s too late. Porn Addiction is a problem for guys.
Remember, I’m here to warn you and keep you on the path to REAL Alpha Manhood, not to let you slip into the behaviors that stop you from attracting the woman you want into your life.
You see, porn addiction offers a bunch of PERCEIVED benefits. (I say ‘perceived’ because they are an illusion. The benefits are really a detriment, as we will see.)
Let’s go through them:
1) Porn is a substitute girlfriend.
It’s true. You get to live a fantasy experience with the hot, busty, lusty woman of your dreams. You even positively reward this porn addiction with a nice little orgasm, thus reinforcing the habit. It becomes easy to relate the thought of porn to the quick and easy gratification.
2) Porn is much easier than getting a real girlfriend.
Just pop in your credit card number and you’re ready to go. Besides, wouldn’t you have just spent about the same amount of money for a date with a girl?
You get to choose tonight’s girlfriend, with guaranteed payoff. How cool is that?
Plus you don’t have any of that bothersome conversation or having to approach women.
And no possibility of rejection either.
3) Porn gives you the illusion of adequacy and power.
All these porn star women behave in ways that present the illusion that they’re your little supplicating love-toy. She’ll say all the things you want to hear, including how BIG you are, and how HOT you are.
She fulfills all your imaginary desires.
Ultimately, though, you will create a porn addiction for yourself that leaves you feeling more and more hollow and alone.
Nothing in the world can substitute for the depth and emotional needs of a real relationship with a flesh and blood person.
Here’s where porn falls short and kills your sex life in the long run:
1) Porn addiction is living a fantasy. It is not real.
And underneath that fantasy is a very hollow feeling of discontent – that you’re settling for an illusion. But we stay in denial to get our short-term needs met.
Porn addiction is a form of the Matrix, where you’re plugged into a fantasy, and you’re given the ILLUSION of control.
2) Porn addiction distracts you from the very real need for interaction with REAL women in REAL social environments.
In fact, that you’ll probably cripple yourself socially after just a few years of porn addiction. You won’t know what to say to a woman beyond, “Yeah, baby, THAT’S the way you want it…”
Have you ever found yourself talking to a woman and trying to imagine her in those doggy-style positions?
It feels weird, doesn’t it? Because part of you knows that the sexual fantasy is fine, and you can create a comfortable sexual relationship with a woman, but this image sometimes feels dirty and shameful up front.
3) Porn addiction drains your willpower and energy by giving you quick rewards to your nervous system.
Remember that sexual energy is the life force of an Alpha Man. This is the power you channel into your creative exploits, your career, your exercise, and every area of your life.
By short-circuiting that drive, you kill the most powerful energy in the universe.
4) You learn no sexual expertise beyond pleasuring yourself.
The next time you’re in bed with a woman, you’ll be unable to form an authentic connection with her.
And even worse, you’ll probably feel less competent because you’ve been in that fantasy world where you don’t see yourself being as good-looking, well-hung, or as skilled with your hands as those guys are.
In fact, a porn addiction tends to reduce men’s stamina in bed when they come in contact with a real woman. They teach themselves how to ejaculate quickly because they’re only in it for their own satisfaction.
5) Nothing feels as good as sex with a real flesh and blood woman.
No two ways about it, my friend. We pursue relationships in life because they allow us to magnify our emotional experience through the other person’s participation with us.
Solo adventures will never feel as satisfying as the interaction you have with a person that stimulates your mind and engages you on all cylinders.
6) Porn addiction will warp and distort your understanding and beliefs about women.
You’ll start to believe that women only exist for sexual satiation and feeding your ego.
Eventually it numbs you to the point where sex seems mechanical and meaningless because there is no emotional connection or bond.
You even start to believe that you can only feel turned on for a woman with a set of 38 DDs, a bellybutton ring, and a Brazillian wax.
The reality is that real women are more fulfilling to be with than any bottle of lotion and fantasy movie from the sites you find online or the DVDs you can get from the adult store.
Look, let me be very honest with you: I used to watch porn quite a bit. I had a roommate that had taped over 1000 hours of this stuff off satellite television. I once spent an entire weekend watching porn movies and … well, you know. Draining my life force.
By Sunday night, I looked at the time and realized that I’d wasted all that time living someone else’s fantasy. I was really just avoiding my own reality, and pissing away my life in the process.
In fact, this was the realization that turned into the pain I needed to stop this habit:
If I keep doing this, I’ll end up a loser who can’t do anything but shuck his own corn.
AND I’ll probably wind up like a relative of mine that turned into a weird freak with retarded social skills.
Keeping that image in the front of my thoughts did wonders for my motivation. No more pulling out the VHS spank-fantasies. I just had to see that creepy guy who never quite developed his social and attraction skills and I got my determination back in an instant.
So the reality is that no one can MAKE you stop watching porn. In fact, it’s this kind of magical wishful thinking that will just leave you stranded in your fantasy land.
You have to CREATE a very painful experience for yourself to counter all the self-delusion that you use to keep using it.
Masturbation is fine.
Porn is fine.
OCCASIONALLY!
Anything taken to extremes can be unhealthy.
The way I use porn is as a creative “addition” to an already active sexual life. Porn should never be a substitute for it.
Here are a few steps to get rid of this nasty little porn addiction monkey…
1) If you’re subscribed to any sites online, get rid of all but one of them. (Eventually, get rid of them all.)
2) If you’ve got a few movies, fine. If you’ve got a collection of skin flicks that rivals the video rental place, it’s time to put them up on e-bay, studpuppet.
3) Sit down with your Alpha Journal and tally up how much time you spend masturbating. Take a good look at that time and decide if that’s an investment you want to make. If you could spend at least the same amount of time going out and improving your REAL skills with women, would that be a better time investment?
4) If you have any other porn-addicted buddies, take a cold analytical look at their social skills, and their abilities with women. Is this someone you want to end up like? Is that weird glazed look in their eyes something you want to have?
A porn addiction is no different really than an addiction to watching TV. You’re living someone else’s life, and cheating yourself out of living your own. You’re wasting time and energy on something that doesn’t improve you.
If you really want to cut down or cut out the fantasy sex life of porn, then you have to create two things:
1) The ability to visualize a very painful consequence to continuing the behavior, and
2) A worthwhile reward for the new lifestyle of real world interaction you want to obtain.
When you have both of those forces at work, you’ll find it easier to motivate your change.
Every Alpha Man has to realize that a man’s sex drive is something that must be channeled and diverted into other areas so that he actually ACCOMPLISHES something with his time on this planet.
You’re here for a purpose, and when you dissipate all that previous sexual drive you have, you actually sabotage your own future.
You can learn more about building your inner confidence and masculine power through my programs, especially The Secrets of the Alpha Man.
– Carlos Xuma
http://www.alphaconfidence.com
