How to “VIBE” With A Woman
AND SILENCE THAT VOICE IN YOUR HEAD…
Hey, before I get started today, I want to let you know about
something new I’ve been working on…
It’s something that guys have been asking me about for a couple
years now, and I’m going to be the first one to be able to let you
in on it.
Stay tuned for more information coming VERY soon.
Now this week, I’m inviting the Skeptic in on our question. The
Skeptic is the guy that is hiding out in your brain and trying to
stop you from succeeding. Mostly because he’s stuck with some old,
unsuccessful herd-mentality beliefs.
I decided I’d let him in on this discussion so you can hear how I
handle him in my own brain when he starts to talk me out of what I
want to do. Maybe that will help you shut him down in your own
mind…
QUESTION ABOUT THE “VIBE”:
Dear Carlos:
I have been reading your newsletter and the complementary book from
your website, and I have found it very useful.
However, though I have no trouble approaching any woman I want, I
have one question I’d like to ask: Some women I have approached
were some how taken back when I speak to them, like they are
intimidated of me (I’m 5′8″, well built and always came across as
being confident and sure of myself) and some women says I sent
across a “stand-offish” vibe when I am talking to them.
Is this a bad thing? And what does it mean by “stand-offish” vibe?
Thank you for your help.
Simon from Australia
______________________
CARLOS XUMA ANSWERS:
Let’s keep in mind that “bad” is a subjective judgment. What’s bad
for you is not necessarily “bad” for me. And vice-versa.
However, in this case where a woman is interpreting this as
“stand-offish”, most men would probably agree that this is “bad.”
Primarily because you are not CONNECTING with the women you are
approaching and that’s keeping you from your goal.
You’re failing to “vibe” with her.
This is something to take care of now, because even if you have no
anxiety approaching women now, if you don’t re-calibrate your
approach to women with more skill, you’ll soon get really tired of
NOT getting results, and it will begin to take its toll on your
attitude.
SKEPTIC: “What do you mean? My attitude is just fine…”
Yeah, I’ve seen this happen with guys, where they were once fresh,
happy approachers, only they turned to bitter, angry avoiders when
they didn’t find the right sexual “key” to open her lock.
So let’s get this taken care of right now.
Here’s my initial guess as to what is happening with your
approaches and why you’re not “vibing”…
You’re calibration is off.
SKEPTIC: “What the heck does THAT mean?”
Well, in simplest terms, it means that you are probably more
focused on how you’re presenting yourself with “confidence,” and
you’re probably coming on too strong.
Women do want confidence in a man, but first and foremost is that
she believes she can have a CONNECTION with you. THAT is her
priority.
In other words, your priority is not to show confidence. Just by
approaching her you’ve done that.
I used to have this problem, too. I was so focused on how *I* was
doing that I didn’t have a clue about how *she* was doing… or
thinking, or feeling.
As a result, I got all MY objectives completed (approach, check…
get her name, check… get her phone number, check…) but I wasn’t
getting HER goals completed.
SKEPTIC: “What else is missing? Isn’t that enough?”
No. I wasn’t checking in and being present and making it a TWO-way
experience.
BIG MISTAKE.
And when it comes right down to it, a woman is not going to want to
see you again if YOU are the only one who enjoyed the approach.
She’s got to feel like there was something special and unique there
between the two of you.
SKEPTIC: “Yeah, but isn’t that something that’s just ‘chemistry’?
You can’t control that…”
Not true. You can make a woman feel that magic, and you’ll be
amazed to discover just how little it takes to create that “unique”
sensation. Hang on and I’ll tell you how…
Here’s the sad reality: Most guys have an extremely difficult time
establishing that connection when they first meet a woman.
Again, it’s primarily because they’re thinking about the approach
as a “get” experience instead of a “give” experience. They’re so
busy thinking about getting from her that they fail to give her the
experience she’s looking for.
SKEPTIC: “So enough about all this give/get crap… How do I make
this connection?”
The key to not seeming stand-offish and getting this connection is
deceptively simple. It’s so easy, that you’ll be tempted to ignore
it.
It’s this…
Just be a little VULNERABLE in the first few minutes of meeting her.
SKEPTIC: “Vulnerable? C’mon, I don’t want to turn into a wuss to
impress a woman…”
Damn straight you don’t. And I will never tell you to be less than
a man for a woman.
But the ultimate statement of confidence that a man can make is
when he is strong enough to show that he can be vulnerable. This is
one of the most effective methods of capturing a woman’s attention.
You see, “bravado” is fake courage. Women can smell this faster
than your cheap cologne.
But when you reveal a vulnerability to a woman in the right way,
she knows this is genuine and authentic. And she’ll be spellbound.
When you do it right, she’ll be telling her girlfriends: “There was
just something about him… I can’t explain it…”
SKEPTIC: “Carlos, that’s too simple. There has to be a really cool
technique to make her feel connected to me.”
Yeah, I know you want to have a more clever, more complicated
TECHNICAL trick up your sleeve, but this one is ten times easier,
and ten times more deadly.
And you can’t fake sincerity, my friend.
SKEPTIC: “…..”
Yeah, I thought that might shut you down.
Look, being vulnerable doesn’t mean being a wuss. It means simply
showing her that you’re strong enough to not have to hide yourself
behind bragging and a fake front.
And the stronger your vibe is up front, the more it’s required for
the woman to sense this or she’ll just think you’re another aggro
guy that’s boorish and boring.
HERE’S MY KILLER METHOD OF
DISPLAYING VULNERABILITY:
The best way to show this is to reveal what she already knows – or
WANTS to know.
You could say:
“Hey, I have to admit, even though I was a little shy at first, I
knew I had to come over and talk to you. My name is…”
OR
“I was about to walk away, but you had this great energy about you,
and I just knew I’d kick myself if I didn’t come over and say hi.”
In both of those examples, I’m saying that I’m not some player
that’s out to collect another phone number. I’m a guy who has
feelings, and I risked a little to come over and start this
conversation.
It should be real and authentic, which this usually is for most
guys. Every guy risks a little something to talk to a woman he
finds attractive, right?
So use that as part of your approach and you’ll probably find that
most women will not find you so “stand offish” anymore.
If you really focus on the connection between you and her, and this
will rarely happen at all.
And while I commend you for starting to get this area of your life
finally handled by getting my newsletter, you’ll probably want to
take the next step on the path. Don’t stop here.
If there’s anyone or anything in this world that’s worth investing
in, and will give you benefits for the rest of your life, you need
to invest in YOURSELF.
Give yourself the gift that keeps on giving…
Give yourself the Alpha Lifestyle
