Question & Answer with Carlos
QUESTION:
If a girl is definitely flaking out on you when you schedule a date by saying she wants to go, but isn’t sure what time she is available, and you know it’s just unacceptable behavior, how do you let her know you don’t want to see her anymore?
Also, if she tells me she still wants to be my friend after I break it off with her, would it be better of me to say no?
I mean, I don’t want to be friends with someone who is flakey, right?
– Jeff, Carson City.
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CARLOS XUMA TALKS ABOUT FLAKEY WOMEN:
First of all, get used to flakiness from women. It’s a given.
They flake out on their friends, their own families, and even themselves. The younger she is, the more she flakes. It’s part of her nature, and also a very good indication of her frame of mind.
A lot of women flake because they find it difficult to say “NO” to anyone when they’re asked, and then it’s much easier to no-show than say they can’t make it. Remember that a woman’s focus is on CONNECTION in every part of her life.
But I also want you to recognize that part of the reason a woman flakes out on a guy is that she isn’t that into seeing him again. This is the raw truth that so many guys do not want to face. Somewhere in the initial introduction or approach, you failed to really get her invested in you.
If she’s TRULY interested in you, she probably won’t flake or delay setting a date to see you again.
Period.
Remember that she’ll meet many guys after you approach and get her number, and you have to stand out from the rest by forging a real connection with her – rapport that will last long after her beer-buzz has worn off.
But when she does fail to follow through, you have to be able to not let it affect you.
Sometimes, it’s a test to see if you will meekly take this kind of treatment from her or stand up and demand respect. If you suspect this is the case, firmly – and politely – explain to her how you expect to be treated, and if she cannot handle this code of mutual respect, you will just have to be friends.
Even if you failed to really raise her interest in you and she ends up choosing friendship, there’s no need to burn bridges. Remember, it’s better to keep a potential ally than it is to turn her into an unnecessary enemy. She can help you in many ways.
For example, network with this woman to meet her friends. Make her part of your harem of girl-friends. She knows women, who know many other women, which makes it much easier for you to expand your potential dating circle quite a bit.
In fact, women feel most comfortable meeting guys through their network of friends. So you should stay in as many social circles as you can.
This woman will also be social proof for you in public events like parties or get-togethers. Social proof means that when you have female friends, you will immediately be more attractive in other women’s eyes.
So make her an ally instead of an enemy that might take delight in ruining your approaches and your credibility later on.
Think first. Plan ahead.
Don’t burn your bridges!
Flakiness isn’t really enough of a reason to totally cut someone off, or you might just as well never make any friends. You can only classify her as a B-grade friend right now because you can never rely on her to follow through. But you can always invite her to activities you’re doing with other people and groups. If she doesn’t show up then or can’t commit, no loss.
And remember that the best way to prevent flakiness from women in the first place is to make sure she’s attracted to you enough and invested in you enough to want to see you again.
Women will flake out on you, and it will be tempting to write them off entirely because of their behavior. However, it’s far better to recognize their nature and just accept it. You can’t make people be who you want them to be, but you can accept them for who they are, which is much more important to your happiness in the long run.
– Carlos Xuma
http://www.alphaconfidence.com
