Don’t let women fool you about what they want

Steve, a programmer from Wichita, seemed to have it all. He had a high-paying job, an active social life, a great sense of style and was incredibly fit (which is especially hard for someone who works at the computer all day long).

Yet, in spite of his “boyfriend material” qualities, he couldn’t find a woman to save his life. “All my friends set me up with this girl or that, but it never worked out,” Steve told me.

According to him, he always got the “You’re a nice guy, but…” speech in one form or another. Steve spent a few years like this, wallowing in the special kind of hell where he couldn’t be anything more than a platonic friend to women.

This was when he came to me for help. All this time, he thought women prioritized physical qualities like guys do.

Steve told me he pretty much looked like “your stereotypical nerd” for most of his life. And this is why he wanted to reinvent himself after leaving college.

So he invested in a gym membership, got a stylist to sort out his fashion sense and worked hard to be on top of his career.

The thing is, it was his ATTITUDE that was killing his chances with women, not the way he looked.

Steve may have gotten rid of his sloppy looks, but he didn’t deep-six his self-pitying frame of mind.

Scratching the Surface

One of the first things he realized after I helped him out was that looks are important, but not in the way men treat it.

Let’s face it – as guys, “aesthetically pleasing” is on top of our list of attractive qualities. It’s what gets a woman’s foot in the door, relationship-wise.

However, what a lot of men don’t understand is that, to women, looks are more of a symbol of what lies underneath.

I get your pain – we’ve all been plastered with wall-to-wall images of genetically blessed men with abs that look like they’ve been carved out of stone.

You look at those magazine covers and billboards and think to yourself, “Man, how am I gonna get laid if I don’t look like THAT?”

Worse, your female friends on Facebook are drooling over pictures of their favorite actors and celebrities, making you feel less than adequate.

But that’s the BIGGEST illusion of female attraction right there – don’t believe what women are saying.

You might think they’re getting all hot and bothered JUST because Mr. So-and-so is built like a Greek god; this is what Steve used to believe as well.

REAL Attraction 101

In reality, looking great is an indication of something more attractive, which is a self-respecting attitude.

Here’s what I mean:

• Putting time and effort into how you look and smell means you care enough to function in everyday life.
• FACT: there are men who aren’t physically flawless (which is about 99.9% of the male population), but have still managed to get dates. That’s because they work with what they have, which means they VALUE themselves (i.e. a highly attractive quality).
• When you take care of yourself this way, it gives a woman an idea of how you manage the rest of your life.

That last point is especially important because that’s really what a guy’s looks mean to a woman. If they feel that you’re on top of things in a general sense, it just makes for a better partner.

So I helped Steve understand that he was going about it the wrong way.

He eventually understood that a guy shouldn’t look good for the sole purpose of getting something in return – like getting a woman to like you.

Like Steve, you might ask, “Isn’t that the point, to get a woman’s approval?”

And I’ll tell you what I told him: no, not really.

You can only GET respect, not demand it from other people.

So, the real recipe to attraction is being the COMPLETE package.

By cultivating a genuine attitude and dressing up like an adult, you’ll be a QUALITY guy on all fronts.

Winning other people’s approval – and attracting women in the process – is merely an after effect of treating yourself right.

Looking great is fine, but don’t forget to work on your confidence level too. And if you’re only motivated by what other people think of you, it defeats the purpose of taking care of yourself.

What’s REALLY Driving You?

No matter how well-polished you are on the surface, you still wouldn’t get a woman if your inner reality was incongruent with your looks.

Let me give you an idea of some self-sabotaging behaviors:

• Being ultra-focused on your perceived flaws, thinking that better-looking guys are BETTER than you.
• Constantly making fun of the things you don’t like about yourself. It might be funny the first couple of times, but women are turned off by low self-esteem.
• Telling women you’re sorry or acting apologetic because you’re not tall or handsome enough. If you think she’s “out of your league”, so will she.

After we worked out these kinks with Steve, he found that he didn’t need to care about other people’s opinion of him.

More importantly, Steve finally understood that women who like hot-bodied guys shouldn’t discourage him. All it actually stands for is a deeper desire for INTERNAL qualities that men should have.

I’m happy to report that it all worked out for Steve in the end. After his long overdue attitude makeover, he was able to find just the right girl for him (they recently got engaged too!).

If you’re bothered by some physical quality you have, go ahead and do something about it. Stylists, barbers, fitness coaches and other professionals can help you with that.

But don’t just do it so women will like you. Do it because you know you’re worth spending some hard-earned money to look the best you can.

Do it because you respect yourself and want to feel good about who you are.

When people – and not just women – can see that, they’ll know you’re doing it for yourself and not just them.

Plus, not worrying about how you look is a KILLER attraction booster; it projects a vibe that emanates confidence, NOT insecurity.

As it happens, there’s another natural confidence booster you need to know about. It’s having healthy testosterone levels (a.k.a. what makes you masculine) – and making sure it never drops.

You can learn all about it by checking it out right here.

Stay Alpha…

– Carlos Xuma