4 ways you’re sabotaging your date – and don’t even know It

We’ve all been there before:

Just when you think you’re about to lock down that incredibly cute, too-good-to-be-real girl you’re dating, she suddenly goes cold.

Without warning, she makes up a half-hearted excuse on the fly about having a full schedule the next day, then leaves you high and dry.

So now you’re feeling defeated and confused, not knowing where it all went to hell.

Well, let’s sift through the wreckage, shall we? Sometimes, it helps to retrace your steps to find out exactly why she didn’t fall for your manly charms.

#1: You Suck at Logistics

Women like men who are in control, so guys who have all the bases covered send an important message that can make or break that first impression.

And that message is, “I’m a guy who won’t screw things up when it’s crunch time.”

This all-important social signal will flip that switch in her brain that will make her want to sleep with you – so make sure you have everything planned out before going into execution mode.

Here are some details to watch out for:

• Did you put enough effort into your appearance?

Looks are something you’re born with, but you need to have your style and hygiene under control. Iron out these details before game time so you don’t focus your energy on worrying about how you smell or if your shirt looks ok.

• Speaking of which, get your buddies to chime in.

They’ll let you know if you need to ditch your outfit or tweak a few details. At the same time, they can give you a heads-up about that cool bar that just opened up – or that place that gave them food poisoning last week.

• Find out what she likes beforehand

So you won’t take her somewhere that will clash with her food preferences (although if she’s WAY too picky, that might be a sign of trouble down the road – just saying).

• Don’t let the unexpected derail your plans.

Have that proverbial ace up your sleeve in case a wild card comes along. Also, don’t have a hissy fit if something slips through the cracks. Remember, she wants a man in control – not a man-child with a tantrum.

#2: You’re Too Intense

An Alpha Male knows how to pace himself. He doesn’t crank up his seduction game too quickly; building comfort is a gradual process.

In this day and age where it’s easy for women to screen out guys at the first sign of trouble, putting her at ease is one of your top priorities.

Keep these points in mind to set the pace just right:

• For first dates, avoid anything she might deem “too heavy”.

Save the fancy dinner for when you know each other better – opt for fun and casual venues, such as a bar or coffee place that’s accessible for you both. Eventually, you can up the ante after she’s “earned” your affections.

• Don’t talk to her about depressing crap.

You’re better off having those conversations much further down the road, like when you’re already an exclusive couple.

• So for now, don’t kill the fun vibe by rehashing your painful, scarred past.

Resist the urge to fill her in on your last breakup or the time when that girl in your fifth grade class mocked your love poem in front of everyone.

#3: You’re a Sweating, Stuttering, Nervous Wreck

Hey, look – I know what it’s like to have your ego on the chopping block. A guy once told me, “I feel like a gladiator with my fate resting on her giving me the thumbs-up or thumbs-down.”

We’ve all put ourselves on the line out there. However, having a little perspective will keep you from giving in to the false belief that you’ve got “everything riding on this one.”

I can dig that it’s not easy getting those apocalyptic scenarios out of your head. Still, you need a way to deal with those thoughts so you don’t choke mid-game.

Take these guidelines to heart:

• Have some topics ready to go before the big date.

Think of conversational bits related to your interests so you don’t feel that you’re in over your head. Plus, giving your lady a chance to shine in your element will help impress her.

• But play it cool at the same time though.

• Don’t rattle off an encyclopedia of knowledge like you were on Jeopardy!, lest you become that insufferable “Well, actually…” guy.

• Your date isn’t a one-sided affair.

Ask her about stuff she likes, what she does, and what she’s passionate about. Use her input to breathe life into the conversation so you it’s not all on you.

• Remind yourself that the mind loves to take your worst fears and amplify them to ridiculous proportions.

When you get those end-of-the world thoughts, remember that your anxiety is not an accurate reflection of reality.

• With that, don’t get bent out of shape when you say the “wrong” thing or if you think that you messed up.

Brush it off, say something along the lines of “Whoops” or “Well, that was awkward” and power through without missing a beat. Besides, what is she gonna do, hang you for treason because you weren’t perfect during the entire date?

• Be yourself .

Don’t try to project a bizarre, stilted version of your personality that doesn’t represent the great guy that you are.

#4: You Live In a Crack Den

Or the set of ‘The Walking Dead’. Or Jessie Pinkman’s place from ‘Breaking Bad’.

You get the point. I can’t tell you how many guys I know who blew their end game simply because they didn’t take the time to make their crib presentable before heading out.

I’ve heard enough stories of how their date took one look, then bolted out of there like the place was on fire.

Remember the movie ‘The 40-Year-Old-Virgin’?

There’s this hilarious bit where Seth Rogen’s character Cal tells his friend, Andy (played by Steve Carell) about how unattractive his place was. And he was spot-on:

“I mean, look at this place, man. You gotta see this through the eyes of a woman, you know? What is she going to think when she comes in here? Look. He’s got a billion toys.”

Ok, technically Andy’s place was clean, but nevertheless it was overrun with so many action figures and other geeky stuff that his apartment gave off a repulsive, un-sexy vibe.

And it’s not that I’m knocking guys who are into that, but you should save one specific spot for that kind of stuff (read: NOT in the bedroom). Balance it with some sensible internal décor that makes your date think: “Wow, this place looks so comfy…I’m probably gonna sleep with this guy.”

So set fire to those tacky posters masquerading as art (or least sell them at your next garage sale), hide your skin mags and break out that hip coffee table with some issues of GQ, Esquire and Wired (or anything with some substance) to add that subtle touch of sophistication.

While you’re at it, clear out those empty pizza boxes and take-out containers, hire an exterminator and keep your place immaculate enough to let your date know you’re a grown-up.

If you’ve been guilty of any of these things, don’t sweat it. We all make mistakes, but it’s not an excuse NOT to learn from them.

By the way, there is one other fatal mistake you need to avoid. Don’t let the threat of T-Bleed cripple your chances with women – permanently.

It’s a phenomenon that causes men to lose their testosterone until they’re practically drained of their “mojo”, and it’s not a pretty sight.

But you can stop it before you have to plug any “holes” – CLICK HERE to learn how to prevent it from happening to you.

Stay Alpha,

– Carlos Xuma