3 Ways To Recover When Your Date Goes to Hell

Mike, a client of mine (not his real name), came to me about a problem he had with sealing the deal with the ladyfolk. He’s been dating a few women since he got out of a previous relationship last year, but he’s never made substantial progress with any of them.

“Things were shaping up with the last girl I saw, but after the third date she suddenly got cold on me. She wouldn’t return my calls after that…”, Mike told me despondently.

He went on: “We were talking about music and I ended up making fun of hair metal bands from the 80s. It’s not that I hate that kind of music…I was just trying to make a funny quip about how cheesy they look with their hairdos and spandex…”

So his date got upset with that and accused him of being “too biased to open his mind to other kinds of music.” Mike got a bit defensive and told her she was “getting worked up over a stupid joke.”

He added, “I got so worked up myself that I ended up making fun of her music even more…that probably wasn’t the best move.”

Needless to say, it put a huge, awkward dent in their evening.

A Common Pickle Among Men

Look, this is something ALL guys go through at some point, regardless of their relationship experience. Sometimes, you’ll say or do something that’ll rub your woman the wrong way and create an avalanche of trouble.

And if you’re in the same boat as Mike, the stakes are even higher. When you’re past the “getting to you know you” point, but still in “let’s be friends for now” territory, it makes for a sticky situation.

BOTH of you are at a CRUCIAL time when the mutual attraction is there, but haven’t gone beyond being friends. So any friction at this point could either make or break your relationship-to-be!

It’s likely a woman will be emotionally invested in you by this time, so she’ll take failed expectations hard – bear that in mind.

The worst thing you could do is dig a deeper hole for yourself by reacting the wrong way like Mike did.

That said, take note of the following tips:

#1: Damage Control 101

You might be thinking, “Does that mean I should just shut it and keep my opinion to myself?”

Hell no. Begging for her approval AFTER the fact is the best way to DESTROY any remaining respect she has for you.

But you do need to deal with her ruffled feathers, and there is a way to do that without emasculating yourself.

First off, don’t play the defensive card like Mike (e.g. “Buuuut I was just making a joke”) – your job right now is to let her do the talking.

Let her blow off some steam and give her the satisfaction of being heard. That alone will take the edge off already.

Here’s the deal – women are generally worried about “rocking the boat” at this delicate phase, so it’s not exactly easy for some girls to speak up. Thus, it’s absolutely essential that you acknowledge that.

Try telling her something like, “Hey, I appreciate that you shared that kind of stuff with me.”

You can also add a little dash of empathy as well: “Thanks for being honest, I know it’s not easy to be that frank with someone.”

#2: Clear The Fog

Remember, it’s easy to misinterpret one another when you’re both agitated, so you’ll need to eliminate any possibility of miscommunication. Otherwise, you’ll never put the issue behind you.

So make sure you understand the point she’s trying to make (i.e. WHY she’s pissed off). If you’re not on the same page, try telling her, “So what you’re trying tell me is…” or, “Let me see if I got it right…”

But don’t be a smartass and hold the sarcasm. She wants you to validate her feelings, not get into a comeback contest.

*A Little Side Note

I know how tempting it is call her out if you feel like she’s making a big deal over nothing.

But keep the big picture in mind – is it more important to you to keep dating her and see how it plays out…

…or would you rather fire back at her now and burn your bridges for good?

This could just be a little hiccup that you’ll both laugh about years from now. But you’ll never know if you don’t play it cool for now and work out your disagreement first.

But if she truly goes BALLISTIC on you for something incredibly petty, you could very well let her have it.

If you really think her behavior is a dealbreaker – or don’t see it working out – don’t be afraid to speak up.

#3: Patch Things Up

Here’s another tip: if you truly did mess up and make her feel bad, don’t be hard on yourself. Accept that sometimes, we step on other people without meaning to.

However, you’ll still need to APOLOGIZE to show her that you’re owning up to your little slip-up. But you don’t have to go on about it and look like a wimp in the process.

Make it short and sweet by saying, “I’m sorry for stepping on your boundaries. I didn’t know that it would offend you, but I get it now.”

Lucky for Mike, his date called him back after a week. He scaled things back a bit by casually meeting up at a coffee shop (good move!) to hash out their last date.

After applying my advice, Mike found out that her parents were huge fans of 80s rock, hence her soft spot for that kind of music. When Mike showed that he understood her reasons for getting upset, she felt that he actually cared about what she thinks and feels.

One of the most important traits of an Alpha Male is knowing how to pick your battles. Temper your strength with restraint – it’s all about BALANCE.

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