How to handle your breakup – like a man

Breakups are the hardest thing to experience, no matter who initiated it – you or her.  It can – and will – turn your world upside down, triggered by fear, longing and sadness.

You’ll lose your motivation and excitement for a time. You’ll lose the drive and passion to be positive. All because you feel that intense emotional pain of loss and rejection…

Neuroimaging studies have found that being rejected, even by a stranger, activates many of the same regions in the brain as when experiencing physical pain.

As human beings, we are extremely sensitive to rejection — especially forms of social rejection. We have a strong motivation to seek approval and acceptance.

So, why does breaking up hurt so much?

Think back to how you got together. Those wonderful moments of loving each other and enjoying each other’s company?

You’re together almost everyday, dependent and conscious of each other’s needs. You’re addicted to love and the benefits of having a stable partner…

When that all disappears, you feel lost because you actually lost something.

All of a sudden, there’s a huge shift…An enormous change.

In an instant, from “we”, it became “I”. You no longer have someone to be with. Now you’re all attending events on your own and facing the future alone.

This makes you incapable of doing your daily tasks that were never a problem in the past. Astudy conducted by Stony Brook University found out that the situation is indeed worse.

They compared the brains of people in love and those who’d recently lost it with the brains of drug addicts. And here’s what they found out:

“This brain imaging study of individuals who were still ‘in love’ with their rejecter supplies further evidence that the passion of ‘romantic love’ is a goal-oriented motivation state rather than a specific emotion

The researchers concluded, noting that brain imaging showed some similarities between romantic rejection and cocaine craving. The findings are consistent with the hypothesis that romantic love is a specific form of addiction.

The study also helps to explain “why feelings and behaviors related to romantic rejection are difficult to control” and why extreme behaviors associated with romantic rejection such as stalking, homicide, suicide, and clinical depression occur in cultures all over the world, the researchers wrote.”

For a man who’s wired from the beginning to show little emotion because it’s perceived as “un-manly,” this will be a much more challenging process.

So, how can you handle your breakup like a man?Here’s a few important tips:

Stay Busy!

Go to the gym. Go out with your friends. Have a project. Anything that you can do to occupy your time.

So, you don’t have any idle time… the time to think and over-analyze things – and wallow in self-pity.

Think of what you’ve been wanting to accomplish and maybe couldn’t do when you were in a relationship. Now you can just do it! It could be mountain climbing, doing volunteer work… or traveling.

This is the perfect opportunity to explore. Remember, you’re FREE! You can do just about anything you want. And you don’t want to rush into another relationship right now anyway. It’s the perfect time to restore your sense of self.

Have a support group

Accept that you’re feeling low. That’s normal. You’ve loved – and now that love is gone. It’s perfectly natural that you’ll feel unhappy and gloomy.

If you feel a low mood coming on, get something organized to avoid dwelling. Set up a family get-together, or go to the shooting range with your friends.

This will help you stay clear out of negativity. And your family and close friends are the ideal companion for you right now – who knows you better than them?

And, no matter what you do, they won’t judge you. They’ll be understanding and give you unconditional love – which is what you need the MOST right now. (If they are the judging types, well, maybe choose the cousins or other relatives you know are more open-hearted.)

Stay away from your EX

It won’t help the healing process if you keep on going to places where you’ll bump with your Ex. In fact, it will likely raise some ugly emotions that will set you back.

Stay away from those places. Focus on you right now. Build your feelings of independence and value back up.

Remove all traces of your Ex from your apartment or house – photos, gifts, clothes… Yes, this means you also have to refrain from stalking her, checking her Facebook page every ten minutes, or asking her friends what she’s been doing.

Avoid her, so you can take all the time you need to get back on your feet.

Remember what they say – This too shall pass.

Nothing lasts forever, including the feelings of loss. Things will get better – and sooner than you think if you help and motivate yourself.

Yes, it can take some work – and even some self-discipline to avoid falling into unhealthy patterns.

Have patience. Have faith.

Remind yourself that you are an Alpha Man – a calm, confident guy any woman would want to be with.

Stay Alpha,

– Carlos Xuma