Stop Getting On Women’s Nerves
I’ve been talking to my female friends and clients lately, and I’ve been getting common feedback about the stuff that annoys them about guys. The thing is that it isn’t rocket science, but it’s surprising how many guys still don’t have a grip on this basic stuff.
Let me clue you in on some behaviors that a lot of men are sadly oblivious about – it’s better to know about them now and save yourself some grief tomorrow:
#1: Assuming You Know What She’s About
“This one guy I dated ordered dinner for me,” says my friend Kate. “It was really annoying that he just assumed he knew what I liked on our first date without even asking me first,” she continued.
Unfortunately for that guy, Kate never went out with him again. I totally get that you want to come off as confident, but you should tread lightly if you don’t know that much about her yet.
First dates in particular are a good chance to get to know her better so that you can do something really cool for her on the next date. Think of it as “gathering intel” for a well-placed surgical strike in the form of concert tickets to her favorite band, for instance.
#2: Making Fun of Her (Too Much, That Is)
Beth, a client of mine, told me about an annoying guy she met through a mutual friend. “We were actually getting along at first, but then he started teasing me about liking Sex and the City, and not in a good way,” she told me.
Yeah…Sex and the City. Enough said.
I feel where that guy was coming from, but just because you’re not into the stuff she likes, it doesn’t mean you have to be mean about it. That goes double for cruel jokes about her weight, appearance and anything too personal.
A little harmless teasing is fine – and even recommended for heightening the sexual tension – but respect her boundaries. If you piss her off with a miscalculated joke, you can still save face though.
Just tell her, “Hey, I didn’t mean to cross the line, but now that I know where it is, it won’t happen again. I sincerely apologize for that.”
#3: Trying Too Hard to Impress Her
So you pull in a hefty paycheck and your car is the object of your friends’ envy. But don’t think that material abundance automatically equals high social value.
Don’t make it about the stuff you own. It will impress women who are just after your wallet, but not those who you really want to date (unless you’re fine with being a meal ticket).
Focus on demonstrating leadership qualities like decisiveness, staying cool under pressure and being emotionally intelligent. Those traits are worth more than any amount of bling on you.
#4: Treating Her Like Your Shrink
Maybe you got burned in your last relationship or you got bullied as a kid in school. Everyone has crap to deal with, but now is not the time to lay on the heavy stuff.
Susan, a friend of mine, said she was freaked out when the guy she dated committed this no-no. “There we were, having a good time over our coffee when we went into the topic of ex-partners,” she said with a grimace, “then everything went downhill from there.”
“It was like opening a floodgate…he was visibly upset and his rant went on different tangents like his messed up childhood and commitment issues.”
Needless to say, she wanted to get up and run as far away as possible.
Don’t be this guy. Wait until you’ve gained a little traction with her first, then you can get into those issues little by little.
She’s more likely to fall for you if you’re discreet at first, then make her feel that she’s earned the privilege to see your vulnerable side when the time is right.
Hey, none of us are perfect, but a little self-awareness never hurt a guy. If you find yourself slipping into these behaviors, all you need to do is make a mental note and hit the brakes.
By the way, there’s another problem you need to be aware about, and it’s called T-Bleed. Annoying behaviors are one thing, but losing your testosterone is a whole other pitfall (which is what T-Bleed does).
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