She’s Already Looking for Your Replacement
A relationship is not an appliance you can put on “set it and forget it” and expect it work flawlessly. Complacence is the biggest mistake a guy can make in dating, and there’s some disturbing new evidence of the consequences.
In a recent survey, it looks like a bunch of women are looking for a “backup husband” (as the study puts it) in case things don’t work out with their current guy.
As disturbing as it is to think there are partners looking for a fallback guy even before the relationship’s over (instead of, you know, ending it first AND then finding someone else), this new discovery is a wake-up call for men nonetheless.
I’m not cool with this kind of behavior, but it does point out the important fact that an Alpha Guy needs to keep his woman happy (regardless of whether she has Husband 2.0 on standby, and in which case, it’s on her).
The Truth About Women
Keeping your girl attracted is never a destination, but a never-ending journey you’ll take with her.
Things will never come to a point where she’ll say, “Yup, I think I’m good right here. You can stop being fun, interesting and affectionate.”
Some guys have told me that you constantly need to game a woman to keep the “chase” going even when you’ve been together for YEARS. And in my own experience, I’d say they couldn’t be more right.
It takes a certain state of mind – specifically, being whip smart – to keep the relationship fresh and vibrant all throughout. Women who cheat on their partners often do so out of boredom and frustration.
Remember all the tingles you felt when you first met your girl? If you’re lazy enough, she’s going to recreate those long-lost tingles with someone else just to recapture that “falling in love stage” (and all the mushy feelings that follow).
So how do you prevent this potential disaster from happening?
Well, the most important thing to remember is that relationships – healthy, lasting ones anyway – never happen by accident. Happiness is always a premeditated effort.
This attitude alone spells the difference between keeping her and losing her to someone else. Let’s face it – people have needs, and they’ll gravitate in another direction if they’re not happy where they are now.
Always Have the Long Game in Mind
Making something happen (i.e. keeping your girl happy and attracted to you) isn’t about taking huge strides, it’s the little steps in between that get you from a casual connection to a committed relationship.
What that means for you is this: If you want to win the war for her heart, you need to win the smaller battles.
A steady dose of love and intrigue is the perfect maintenance plan for your woman. Feed her sizable morsels of the good stuff every day, and she’ll never go hungry.
Most guys think that the solution to a failing relationship is taking drastic measures. All it will do is backfire, if not make her pack her bags faster and find another guy.
Think of it like this – when she’s gradually come to the point where she hates your guts, a weekend at some fancy out-of-town resort is not going to make it all better.
(That also applies to getting her shiny, expensive trinkets to fill that emotional void – just saying.)
If anything, the whole trip is going to be a long exercise in awkwardness with a load of silent hostilities on the side.
I’m not saying a getaway isn’t a good thing under the right circumstances. In fact, it’s a good idea to steal away with your girl for a few days as a nice treat if you’re getting along just fine.
What I am saying is that desperate Hail Mary passes aren’t going to undo all that complacency and neglect. If you want her to fall for you for good, you need to invest yourself in the long run.
Ideas For Long-Term Bliss
What do those “doses of love” that I mentioned mean exactly? Let’s go over them:
– Going out of your way (at a reasonable level) to do things for her that make her feel special. Some of this includes running across town to get that wine she loves because the one near your place ran out. It’s “little” gestures like these that remind her of why she chose you.
– Support her even if you don’t agree with or understand the stuff she likes. This includes her need to buy more shoes than she can wear, her love of Sex and the City, her hobbies and interests, and things she’s generally passionate about (career-wise or philanthropic stuff). People are meant to grow in relationships, and if you let her do this, it’s going to have a powerful psychological effect on her.
– Communicate like an adult. If she’s talking (or complaining to you) about something important, make her feel heard. More than that, paraphrase what she told you and ask her if you understood her right (“So you’re telling me/what you mean is ________”). Even if you really don’t care about the topic, listen anyway and address whatever the issue is. The fact that you still made the effort is more important in the bigger picture.
– Basically going the extra mile (read: not the same as being a doormat) when she needs you. Some sacrifices need to be made, and the occasional inconvenience isn’t as bad compared to the long-term happiness of the relationship.
– Tease her. Send naughty texts and emails to keep the intrigue alive. To give you an idea, send her a message when you’re bored at work (“Boss says I look different this morning. I said it was my new tie instead of telling him it was our mind-blowing morning quickie.”), if you’re out with the boys (“I’ve been around the guys enough for tonight.
Looking for a woman to take advantage of me when I get home, was hoping you’d fit the bill.”), or even at home (“I’m almost done with messing with the car at the garage and I’m heading out to the grocery store. Lemme know if you want to be ravished before I leave. I have a busy schedule, but I can squeeze you in 🙂”).
Romantic relationships are based on sex, and keeping the spark alive means being sexy in subtle but insidious ways (just remember to message the right person and avoid any, um, inappropriate pics unless you want a potential scandal on your hands).
Let me also point out that you’ll still need to do most of these even if you don’t feel like it. How you feel and what you need to do for the long-term good doesn’t always have to be the same.
Learning to put her needs ahead of yours is not just a sign of a good partner, but also a higher sense of maturity.
Like I said earlier, people grow in a relationship. This is a chance for you to move past the idea that the women owe you just for showing up or doing the minimum work to get by.
Most of all, the better you can keep a habit of maintenance, the better you can destroy any chance of her plan B coming to light.
Stay Alpha…
– Carlos Xuma
Recent Comments