Why Most Guys Fail With Women (Before They Even START) – And How To Start WINNING With Women

One of the things I teach men is how to meet women – anywhere, anytime – with no fear.

Recently, I made a statement in one of my seminars that caused quite a stir.

I said: “Unless you’re Brad Pitt, no matter WHAT you do or WHO you are, you probably aren’t going to get a ton of dates from phone numbers you get from meeting women cold on the street – or even in clubs. In fact, you’d be lucky to get 50% of your phone numbers to turn into a date.”

Well, Paul, this guy in one of my seminars, was shocked and disheartened by this. He said that I pretty much totally shot down his expectations, and he felt sad and depressed about that ratio.

Paul said: “So maybe I’ll get 3 dates out of 10 numbers, BUT that’s a hell of a lot of failure.”

He thought that a guy that gets really good at this, especially after having all this training, should be getting more like an 80 or 90% ratio of getting dates from phone numbers he collects.

Paul also said: “That really lowers my motivation and my belief in what can be done. Let’s face it, if you’re striking out 7 times out of 10, it’s going to be tough to keep a good attitude and confidence in your abilities. I thought I’d be getting 8 or 9 out of 10 successes.”

Reality is a bitch, isn’t it?

I hate to be harsh about this but it’s simply not realistic to expect 80-90% success. In ANYTHING in life, really.

Look, I want you to define reality for yourself in a way that gives you the most success. What matters is not the ratio, or some meaningless percentage – but the way you THINK about it!

“Success” is something YOU define. And if you imagine that “failure” is more likely, then you’ve just made it more likely that you’ll simply quit.

Let’s break this down by the numbers:

Let’s say you talk to 10 women a week, and you get 3 dates.

This means that if you keep going and talk to 100 women, you’ll get 30 possible girlfriends.

THIRTY!

That’s a freakin’ AWESOME ratio! Especially for only 10 weeks of work. And that’s if you hit it hard for just a few weeks – and stopped trying at all after that.

And that’s NOT a hell of a lot of failure, if you consider the numbers. That’s a hell of a lot of SUCCESS in my book.

You can look at it as 70% failure – or 30% MASSIVE success.

Is the pie 70% gone or is 30% left for you to eat?

Is the glass 70% empty or is it…

Okay, you get the point.

Hell, a 300 batting average is pretty damn good in major league baseball. For those of you that are familiar with the game, that’s about a 30% success ratio.

Ty Cobb, the number one batting average leader of all time, got .346.

That means that for every 100 times at bat, this guy hit the ball 34 times. (Doesn’t mean he hit a home run or even got to first base, either.)

I’ll take it! And the multi-million dollar contract that goes with it.

Ty Cobb never focused on how he was striking out 2/3 of the time. He just got back up to bat and did it again and again and again.

Looks different when I explain it that way, huh?

How about this: If you knew that you had a 30% chance to win the lottery, would you play it?

Uh, duhhh!

Consider that millions of people play the lottery every day for one chance in 175,000,000 (that’s 1 chance in 175 MILLION!).

More people are likely to get hit by falling space debris than win the lottery. BUT they keep on playing…!

Let’s reframe this so that you are even MORE motivated…

In reality, if you approach ANY women at all, you’re really 100% SUCCESSFUL.

That’s right. You’re not failing at all. You’re actually completely successful.

You see, those 70% were just practice for the next 30%!

AND you chances are, you got a cool conversation. Or maybe learned something new.

AND you should have been getting a lot of social exposure in the process. You couldn’t have gotten to the 30 dates until you got past those 70 that were not right for you.

But let me ask you this:

HOW MANY WOMEN DO YOU NEED TO APPROVE OF YOU?

Because if you just go out and talk to a few women each week, you can have as many girls as you like.

In reality – the bigger problem here is what you THINK about this game of meeting, dating, and sleeping with women.

Do you see it as a painful means to an end? Just an agonizing chore to get out of the way so you can get in bed with women?

Or is it just a fun playground where you can discover how to become a better man?

You see, Pete – that guy in the seminar – had a problem with his perception, not his skills.

He NEEDED to avoid this “failure” because he had a fragile definition of his own value as a man. His NEED was what made meeting women seem like ‘work’ to him. Everything he would do to meet women would be a “risk” to him.

Most guys NEED a woman to give him a phone number to call it a ‘success.’

Then it becomes a NEED for her to go out on a date with him to keep feeling ‘successful…’

And then it will be his NEED to get that date to end with a kiss…

Then it will be a NEED to get to sleep with her…

At every corner, there’s some “failure” waiting for him – instead of enjoying the fun of it all.

Pretty soon, you’re not in it for the experience. You’re in it to fill an endless hole inside you.

Exaggeration?

Maybe. But probably not.

In order to get good at meeting and attracting women, you have to let go of this NEEDS and “SUCCESS”-oriented thinking.

Redefine ‘success’ for yourself.

Expecting success is the dog’s tail that you will chase until you die. Until you’re able to let this NEED to have every contact with a woman end up a certain way, you’ll always have a goal that’s always just outside your reach.

THIS is the root cause issue to be addressed: Most guys are focused way too much on “imaginary failure.”

The penalties…

The “rejection…”

Focusing on your “success ratio” is also just another way to avoid getting out there and DOING it.

Trying to avoid failure is what losers are made of.

The only difference between a player, an Alpha Man – a guy who gets WAY above-average success with women – and the “average frustrated chump” out there is his attitude towards the process. The ladies man doesn’t go into it with a NEED for success in ANY of his encounters.

Why?

Because Women can smell this NEED a mile away.

When you’re so results-oriented that you can’t pay attention and BE in the moment, enjoying the presence of another women, you seem desperate and insecure. And THAT is the last thing a woman wants to get involved with. (Unless she happens to be desperate and insecure, and that’s something YOU don’t want to get involved with.)

Here’s something else for you to remember: The reason you don’t get the other 70% of the women usually HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU!

Women are flakes.

It’s just the way it is between human beings. I used to get all worked up over it, but it just doesn’t matter in the end.

I can get angry at rain for being wet, and it will ALWAYS be wet. And if I insist that it changes, guess who’s getting the raw end of that deal?

Remember, don’t argue with reality. The source of all pain in our lives is from wishing things were different than they actually are.

Stop working out the ratios and just get out there and have some FUN!

If you do that, everything else takes care of itself. You’ll have a warm, present vibe that women will be attracted to.

And then you know what happens?

You start getting 4 out of 10 women. Then 5 out of ten…

Yes, you can do much better than 3 out of 10. But that’s only after you let go of thinking that this is bad. Your ability only gets better once you stop caring about The Ones That Got Away.

Keep improving, keep striving. Get out of your head, and let go of expectations.

Play the game to PLAY it, and in no time your skill will be FANTASTIC. And you’ll win ALL the time when you get to that point. In fact, I hesitate to say that until you can win all the time RIGHT NOW – exactly where you are – you might never really find the success you seek.

You define the rules of this game. So set them up in your favor.

Every professional athlete out there that has any staying power and success LOVES THE GAME more than he NEEDS to win. The love of the game came first.

Get in the game for the FUN of it, and get everything you deserve as a man.

Stay Alpha…

– Carlos Xuma

BIO:
Carlos Xuma is the author of The Girlfriend Training Program, The Lust Response System, Alpha Sexual Power, The Bad Boy Formula, and many others. Carlos shows you how to Live The Alpha Lifestyle: Become fearless with women, create instant attraction, and get everything you deserve as a man…